Jeanette Aw's book may not be a tell-all, but it sure says quite a lot.

Other than the few revelations that have gotten the gossip pages buzzing, like her previously-secret breast cancer scare and her boyfriend "Marcus", Jeanette Aw: Definitions tells us, for instance - or rather, she confessed in her own words - that she used to be an Ah Lian with blue hair. Also, she was once "an overly-cautious nervous wreck".

She also tells us about how she tries to preserve the child in her through fantasy, and fills her book with whimsical drawings of her own. In a manner of speaking, that accounts for why she loves books, reading and writing so much. The National University of Singapore Theatre Studies graduate named Nicholas Sparks and Cecelia Ahern as her favourite authors, "especially Cecelia Ahern because it's a love story with a bit of fantasy inside. It's something that's very lovely to read and very touching."

Mostly, she tells us about being Jeanette Aw. Her personal losses and triumphs, how others view her vis-à-vis how she views herself, and the darker side of being a celebrity. And she tells us that she is counting on the notion that "writing heals the hurts".

It's refreshing to read the usually guarded actress' portrayal of herself, even if it does sometimes raise more questions than offer answers. Perhaps more importantly to Jeanette, Definitions means she can now call herself a published author. "It's a dream come true, that's for sure," she said, adding: "I actually have a concept for a second book".

In Definitions, she tells herself, "Write before you die". Now that she's achieved that, is there anything else the 33-year-old would like to do before she dies? "Maybe an art exhibition," she mused. "I'm into canvas now. Acrylic. I don't know, maybe a gallery sometime. I'm actually wondering if I can do abstract. But I like to do scenery and stuff."

That will be just another stop on the whirling dervish of creativity that's Jeanette Aw.



Why "Definitions"? Is this an attempt, through writing, to define yourself on your own terms?

I guess maybe, in a way. I think I wrote that writing is a way to know myself better. Sometimes when I wake up and I've had a bad dream, I'll write it down. And you know how it's about analysing your dreams and what your subconscious is all about? Well, I did psychology. It's quite interesting when you actually write it down. You start writing and things start becoming more logical, in a sense. And you figure out how your thoughts are wired, in a way.



What makes you believe in the power of writing?

Well, words have always been better when they are written rather than spoken, where I'm concerned. I express myself better in written words. Sometimes it's very funny - when I speak to a friend, let's say, after the conversation I write him or her an email, sometimes they call me and say, "You know, you sound very different. You write so differently from the way you speak". Sometimes my thoughts can go very fast. Sometimes when I talk to someone and I think I've explained it very clearly, (but) I've only explained half the thing and I've moved on to another topic. When I write it's a lot clearer. I can express things that sometimes I find it a bit awkward to say… If I'm writing it down, maybe I can phrase it differently and it won't feel like I'm telling it in your face. You understand that, right? (Laughs).



You've chosen writing because you believe it allows you to be intimate with your readers?

In a way, yes, and also because I've always been very private in a lot of interviews. I don't talk about a lot of things, especially my private life. And I felt that there are certain things in my life that I would rather be the one to actually share rather than go through another person.



In the book, you speak very honestly about the darker side of celebrity life like the nasty rumours. What has been the worst rumour you have heard about yourself?

There are so many. When I first entered the industry there were people who said that I was married. There was this other rumour that was going around - the reporter actually called me and she wanted to clarify with me - it was another artiste who called her to sort of give her inside information. I was quite upset that there was such a thing. There are a lot of things that are happening. It doesn't mean that I have to spill the beans on who or what. I wouldn't do that, that's for sure.



You write about criticism from the public, about the pitch of your voice, for example. Were those criticism hurtful?

Initially, yes, when I first started. I mean, it wasn't exactly constructive criticism. It was really like a personal attack. I felt that there was no need to actually bring down someone so bad. It's kind of also weird that when you have made changes to that voice and the criticism remains the same. I've moved on but the criticism still stays stagnant. What I feel is it's just being able to laugh at it; to see the humour of it.



You go so far as to compare yourself implicitly to an animal in the zoo. Do you consider yourself particularly sensitive, or are you voicing out what all artistes feel but don't usually say?

I would actually say most artistes feel that way. A very simple example is you just come up to us and ask, "Can we have a picture with you?" We will all be very happy to take a picture. But don't be like, "Snap snap. Oh, hi!" And all these secret recordings … I think it's not very polite. It's just basic courtesy. Even if it's just a friend at work, you don't take secret pictures. And I have had people stalk me. That was what I also talked about. How would you feel if you were the subject that people take all these secret videos of and people stalk you? A lot of people say, "But you are an artiste. You have to accept that this is part and parcel of your job. You are there to entertain whether you like it or not, right?" But at the end of the day we still just wish for a little bit of respect, in that sense. I'm just putting it in a very funny way for people to actually realise that artistes are still humans.



Jeanette will hold an autograph session for Definitions on March 3 at 2pm at Kinokuniya Ngee Ann City.





Photography: Jason Ho

Styling: Zhang Weifang

Illustration: Lee Yen Yok

Hair: Vanessa Choo, Next Salon

Make-up: Agnes Ng (6734 1311), VIVE Salon



Stocklists

Bottega Veneta - #01-04A, ION Orchard

Miu Miu - #01-27, ION Orchard

Prada - #02-15, ION Orchard

Surrender - #02-31, Raffles Hotel Arcade