Giving and caring start with us

A good friend of mine, Saleemah, spent her birthday this year with a new special friend — a young woman brimming with potential who had just been released from Changi Women’s Prison.

They spent the day at the library with another volunteer, a retired banker, and reviewed how to prepare a resume. The day concluded with a visit to the polytechnic, where the young woman was planning to apply for admission in the coming term.

The unlikely trio got to know one another during an experimental programme that connects mothers in prison with their children through the efforts of volunteers who read to the inmates’ children. Volunteers befriend and regularly visit the children, on behalf of their mothers, to read with them.

During the reading programme, when the children hear their mothers’ recorded voices, there are many mixed reactions. But when the mothers hear their children’s voices, most mothers cry.

Being the bridge of love, the volunteers say they often reflect on their own relationships.

Giving is one of the surest ways to receive. A collective of people who care will ultimately be a giving nation.

The essence of care is that it is done for its own sake, caring for the sake of expressing love, hope, faithfulness or joy.

Millard Fuller, the founder of Habitat for Humanity, once visited Singapore and expressed an urgency to address the great challenges of our time. He identified and framed them in a way that I will always remember.

He said humanity’s great challenges had remained unaddressed or unresolved not for a lack of technology, money or intelligence.

The great challenges had remained unaddressed for the lack of our decision to care and make it a priority.

It sounded simplistic, but as I reflected and dug deeper, his words rung ever true.

The challenges that were previously considered impossible to overcome — abolition of slavery, elimination of smallpox, end of colonialism and even putting a man on the moon — were all overcome because people dared to dream, focus and create a different reality.

So much more must be possible if we could rally our resources to care for one another.

CHALLENGE OF A CARING COMMUNITY

The challenge we face in modern societies is the speed and fullness of our lives. We are obsessively busy, distracted and hurried. We consider it a more important achievement to clear an inbox of email messages than to be kind to our colleagues.

As citizens of an unnatural country that overcame strong odds to succeed, Singaporeans will always have skills to acquire, projects to deliver, and reports and assessments to make. But we must not forget to live our lives and appreciate the smell, sounds, sights and touches around us.

Mr Nipun Mehta, founder of ServiceSpace who delivered the now infamous 2012 University of Pennsylvania commencement address, put it this way: “A walking pace is the speed of community. Where high speeds facilitate separation, a slower pace gifts us an opportunity to commune.”

He spoke of his walk across India through villages where the radical generosity of the poorest people awakened him to a new sensibility because, in contrast to more affluent city folk, they always felt they had enough to share. It is a good lesson for us in our “deserts” of abundance.

Can we slow down? Can we walk with one another? Can we unplug and focus on one person at a time? One moment at a time? I imagine that if we do, we may discover how to bring a smile to a sullen face, ease the discomfort of a fellow passenger, or speak the timely word of encouragement to a child or loved one.

If we pause and reflect upon our multitude of blessings, we may ask different questions. Instead of only considering what jobs our well-honed skills can match, we may also ask how we can help the needy or how our skills can be utilised to serve others, as a volunteer designer, a volunteer doctor, a volunteer organiser or a volunteer chef.

In a 2012 study conducted by the Barrett Values Centre, 2,000 Singapore residents were asked for their perception of what defined the Singapore society and what they would want their ideal Singapore to be.

The results were telling. While the respondents view Singapore society as “kiasu” and self-centred, their ideal nation is one that is caring, kind and compassionate. Singaporeans want to have a caring community.

So, the matter is now in our hands. How do we move from “wanting” something to “being” it? Do we see it as someone else’s responsibility to make our society a compassionate one or must we start with ourselves and make new choices?

In the end, I believe we face such choices every day. Instead of waiting to be invited, why do we not invite? Instead of waiting to be helped, can we help? Instead of waiting for the solution, can we be it?

Our choice is our most powerful gift. A giving nation begins with you and me.

About the author:

Melissa Kwee is chief executive officer of the National Volunteer and Philanthropy Centre. This commentary is adapted from a longer piece in Beyond 50: Re-imagining Singapore, a book of essays by different authors on the country’s future challenges and opportunities. The publication, which is available both in print and online, is supported by the SG50 Celebration Fund. TODAY will be publishing other essays from the book in the coming weeks.