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Reaching out to help others explore end-of-life matters

SINGAPORE — The sight of her mother lying on a hospital bed with a feeding tube stuffed down her throat — and bruises around her mouth from the tube — jarred Ms Beatrice Chien, 72, to think about death and how she would prefer to spend her last days.

Ms Chien (centre) at Will-Not, where participants can pen down their end-of-life wishes. Photo: ArtWOK

Ms Chien (centre) at Will-Not, where participants can pen down their end-of-life wishes. Photo: ArtWOK

SINGAPORE — The sight of her mother lying on a hospital bed with a feeding tube stuffed down her throat — and bruises around her mouth from the tube — jarred Ms Beatrice Chien, 72, to think about death and how she would prefer to spend her last days.

In 2008, she typed an unofficial “will” and said to her daughter that when her time comes and “I ought to die, I go. Don’t want to drag on with life support — save the money”.

Ms Chien, with her practical views on life and death, was recently roped in to help at an exhibition at Khoo Teck Puat Hospital titled Both Sides, Now, organised by the Lien Foundation and ACM Foundation. It aims to encourage people to redefine their lives before death and consider end-of-life matters.

Ms Chien was stationed at Will-Not, which allows participants to pen down what they want and do not want before and after they die, for their family, friends and doctors. Despite the general ambivalence about discussing such matters in Singapore, the participants she came across were very open to these discussions and “liked the topic very much”, she said.

She has had good reason to ponder over life and death. Before retiring in 1986, Ms Chien was a nurse in an intensive care unit, where she saw many patients on life support. She was also very close to her late mother, who had a bad infection that turned into a stroke and was put on a feeding tube before she died in 1999. This was followed by the sudden death of Ms Chien’s five-year-old granddaughter.

Realising that life is unpredictable, Ms Chien decided to prepare for her death with the unofficial will in 2008. She also instructed her insurers on how she would like her money to be divided among her three children, but has yet to find time to sign an Advance Medical Directive — a document for doctors declining any life-sustaining treatment in the event of terminal illness, unconsciousness and imminent death.

“But I’ll pick (it) up. I’ll sign ... it one day,” she said.

She also recalled how, when her granddaughter was buried, the cost came up to S$12,000. When her daughter asked if Ms Chien would like to buried next to her granddaughter, she responded: “Don’t waste money, just leave me anywhere. Scatter (my ashes) in a pond also can.”

She does not want funeral rites or a wake as they are costly and will “trouble” friends and relatives to visit. Even if she is terminally ill, she would rather not be medicated. “Leave me alone, as long as I don’t harm others,” she said.

Her friends, though, are less open to such discussions, with the older ones dismissing any mention of death with “Choy!”. Yet, these are important issues to discuss, insisted Ms Chien, especially end-of-life wishes and assets to be split.

She said she regrets not taking careful note of her mother’s wishes. Before she passed, Ms Chien’s mother told her who each piece of her jewellery should go to, but she did not pay attention, asking her mother to “come back home and distribute it” herself.

“I really encourage people to ... write down what they want so their family can have a look and not have regrets,” she said.

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