Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles | 2.5/5

SINGAPORE — If you were a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT) fan like almost every other kid back in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, you probably have split feelings about your heroes in a half shell returning in a live action reboot produced Michael “blow ‘em up” Bay. And rightfully so. After all, would you want to risk your favourite childhood characters being messed with on the silver screen?

So what’s the verdict on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles circa 2014? Not as cringe-worthy bad as one would have expected, but neither is it refreshingly good either.

Directed by Jonathan Liebesman, this fifth movie from the TMNT film franchise has all the Michael Bay cinematic tropes: An inane plot that is both simple and unnecessarily complicated in equal measure, lots of action, non-existent character development and Megan Fox.

Sure, this is a movie about a team of talking teenage turtles named Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello, turtles who fight crime, eat pizza, and live in the sewer with their rat father-figure/sensei. But who said even that didn’t need a script?

As feisty reporter April O’Neil, Fox actually does better than expected alongside Will Arnett, who is there to add necessary snark as her cameraman Vernon, and Whoopi Goldberg, who cameos as her editor.

Jackass’ Johnny Knoxville and Tony Shalhoub (of TV show Monk fame) are roped in to voice Leonardo and Splinter, everyone’s favourite rodent sinsei, for some star power. But does it even matter? None of these personalities get to stand out, simply because the film is determined to remain threadbare thin and cliched throughout.

It has to be said, though, that there were a few super slick and ridiculously over-the-top action set pieces, especially one really cool high-speed chase down a snow mountain. And you had fun moments when the turtles get to play off each other like the teenage brothers they really are. There’s also an impromptu beat-boxing scene in an elevator.

But rare moments like these, where the movie gets the tone right, are few and far between. The nudge-wink references to the ‘80s television show and comics, which made up the best laughs, were too sporadic, resulting in not enough on-screen time spent with the characters we know and love.

(PG, 102 mins)