Kit Chan’s growing pains

I remember the very first time I heard Kit Chan’s Home. My music teacher in primary school played the English and Chinese versions of the song in class and asked which we preferred. I voted for the English one. My teacher voted for the Chinese version. And then, even though my classmates and I couldn’t have been very gifted singers, we proceeded to learn the song line by line, in anticipation of National Day 1998.

The homegrown songbird was already a household name with a burgeoning presence in the Chinese-speaking world, fed by Mandopop hits such as Heartache, Worried and Liking You. And as I grew older and went abroad to study, Chan’s remained a voice I associated with home.

Of course, it’s easy to forget that she has spent the past two decades growing up too. During our interview at celebrity stylist David Gan’s Passion Hair Salon on Tuesday, the 42-year-old singer and I lounged on a plush couch for more than an hour, discussing her career, family life and what it really means to grow older in front of an entire nation.

WORK IN PROGRESS

“The confidence I have today is so different from the one I had 10 years ago,” the chanteuse mused when the conversation turned to a discussion about her insecurities. “My confidence used to be ... an armour. Now, I think true confidence also means you are confident to appear vulnerable. It can happen only when you accept your faults and limitations … It really takes a lot of growing up.”

She continued: “I think the confidence I had 10 years ago was limited to my work. I was a confident performer, but I don’t think I was a totally confident human being. When I came out as a working adult ... I was under the care of my record company. (My) stature grew and grew, yet I didn’t have any real interaction (with people). More and more people knew me, but I knew less and less about the world. That made me fearful and I realised I didn’t have much other than work.”

It explains her decision to take a hiatus from the entertainment business in 2004, just when her career was expanding and she began taking on acting-related projects such as TVB’s medical drama Healing Hands II and the English musical Forbidden City: Portrait Of An Empress.

Chan went back to school to get a Masters degree, before joining a public relations consultancy in 2007. And the experience working with people outside the entertainment industry gave her the opportunity to recognise her strengths and flaws in a very real way.

“I can be individualistic, but I try to lessen the elements of self-centredness,” she affirmed, joking about how she used to be an “attention seeker” as a child. “This is something I am still working on,” she said. “When you are so focused on realising yourself, you can become selfish.” The fact that she even knows this now, she pondered, is a revelation.

She added: “Usually, people who are individualistic don’t compromise — it means you are very strong as an individual, but the bad thing is you are probably very self-centred too. It means it can be difficult for people to get along with you. I try to lessen that and it is something I have to keep reminding myself.”

GIVING BACK

Some things, thankfully, haven’t changed. Like the fact that Chan is still as adventurous and spontaneous as she was in her younger days. Just look at how she surprised us all by agreeing to appear on Chinese singing competition I Am A Singer earlier this year.

“I would say one of my strengths is I am not afraid of trying new things,” said Chan, who will be embarking on her first regional tour, Spellbound, later this year, with concerts in Singapore, China, Taiwan and Hong Kong. “I am quite fearless in that sense. You cannot think too much about what might happen. What will be will be anyway, and you have to believe you will survive and it will pass, whether it is good or bad.”

Even so, the singer has learnt not to allow herself to be crushed by a tidal wave of work, like she used to in the past. “When I mention that I am now over 40 and need to do things differently, certain people say, ‘Oh, isn’t it just a state of mind?’ Yes, it is a state of mind, but if you ignore the physical limitations, you are being very silly,” Chan argued. “(Your age) should not stop you from doing the things you want to do, but you need to pace yourself if you want to have a good quality of life or work, so I am very mindful of that.”

This admirable spontaneity sometimes flows into her personal life, even though she is very clear about keeping her work and private life separate. In 2012, the singer married her boyfriend of more than 10 years in an intimate wedding, perhaps with less fanfare than a teenager’s sweet 16th.

“I don’t know (why I got married),” Chan said, when asked if she thought marriage had changed her. But if there is something she has always been clear about, it is her desire not to have children of her own.

“I think the decision has been made and, as I get older, I think nobody will ask me anymore about these things because I’ll be out of the zone,” she quipped, but admitted that she also questioned if she would be able to handle the responsibility.

“If someone says you have been put on this earth for a set number of years (and that) you shouldn’t be so selfish, (that) you should pass on your knowledge or experience — I think I agree with that. But I would like to start further downstream, so give me the young adults … I will leave the children and babies to someone else,” she said. “I don’t think I would know how to take care of a child or a baby, but maybe I could be of some use to a young adult.”

And indeed, whether she has her own children or not, Chan’s voice will probably continue to be a source of comfort, particularly to people who, like me, have grown up with her.

Kit Chan’s Spellbound concert will take place on June 12 and 13, 8pm, at The Star Theatre, The Star Performing Arts Centre. Tickets from S$88 to S$178 are available from SISTIC.