The 8 friends you make in the modern workplace

Work friends are, if not essential to survival in the office, at least essential to enjoying the office. Here is a little user’s guide to navigating your way around the office social circles. 

THE OFFICE COUPLE

Every office has at least one of these: that slightly dysfunctional, non-romantic pair who plot their office dominance together. Their ambition is obvious, they finish each other’s sentences and their slightly intense bond tends to creep out everyone else.

See also: Secret Frenemies

THE FASHION CRUSH

This person is the rare colleague who knows exactly how to dress for all occasions, and frustratingly seems to pull off every new trend effortlessly.

Also known as: The Cool Girl (or Guy)

THE PHARMACY

Never fear if you have one of these in your office: This co-worker always knows just how to fix you up. Popular wares include (but are not limited to) plasters, pain reliever, contact lens solution, and safety pins. Do not abuse this valuable resource: No one wants The Pharmacy to close up shop.

Also known as: Office Parent

THE WORK CRUSH

This person has always been a workplace staple, but the advent of internet dating means that you embarrassingly come across this person’s Tinder profile during innocent swiping sessions.

Also known as: The Office Dreamboat

THE CARB PUSHER

Your weekly renewed commitment to eating better is destroyed by this well-meaning person. Homemade cookies? Check. Bagel Fridays? Of course. Your willpower? Gone.

Also known as: The ‘Who wants to order Foodpanda?’ Guy

THE GHOST

This distinction goes to those people who have mastered the dark art of staying employed without ever seeming to actually make it into the office.

Also known as: Your boss

THE WORKOUT BUDDY

This is the colleague who will try to drag you to every yoga, rowing and kickboxing class in the immediate area. This kind of person enjoys organising office fitness competitions and comparing fitness tracker statistics with strangers.

Also known as: The Corporate Discount Procurer

THE MEAT SHIELD

This term has murky origins; it is popular in the video game world and is referred to in Survivor. And it perfectly suits the colleague who tends to enjoy meddling in office battles, unwittingly taking the heat off other colleagues.

Also known as: The Reply-All Fanatic 

HE NEW YORK TIMES