Making bedtime easier for kids and parents

SINGAPORE — It’s a common sight in many households: Parents trying to get their children to bed, as the young ones negotiate for “five more minutes” on a gadget or for playtime, with some even throwing tantrums at this inopportune moment.  

Even if it sounds like an unachievable task — especially if you have had a hard day at work — establishing a bedtime routine is essential both for kids to get ample rest and for parents to not be so stressed each night. 

“Routines are very important because it gives a sense of predictability and children crave for that,” said Ms Gisela Guttmann, a psychologist and psychoanalyst at Alliance Professional Counselling. “No matter how hectic parents and children’s schedule are, it is important to establish a basic routine before bedtime.”

Ms Guttman suggested setting bedtime curfews that can vary over the weekend and school holidays, and to introduce routines that can be established before bedtimes, such as a shower or bath followed by storytime or a bedtime chat. 

While parents of younger children mostly have to deal with Junior wanting more playtime, those with older kids have to ensure that they have finished all their schoolwork before hitting the sack. And, of course, there’s the perennial issue of getting children off gadgets, regardless of age. 

“Gadgets are addictive and do tend to excite children, therefore the earlier they stop playing before bedtime, the better,” said Ms Guttmann. “I suggest that parents give children at least one hour to wind down before they go to sleep. Young children tend to enjoy bedtime stories and songs.”

She stressed the importance for children to understand the rules and boundaries with regards to gadgets and TV usage before bedtime, in order to avoid frustration and friction with their parents.

When it comes to older children, parents should be more supportive and help with time management so that kids will be able to plan a realistic and balanced study schedule. Parents can do this by helping them to prioritise — and not compromising on — sleep time, said Ms Guttmann. 

Setting bedtime routines should also start when children are young, so that they get used to it early. Mr Johnson Soh, a 47-year-old director and father to two kids aged eight and 11, revealed that he got them into a daily, structured routine “since they both started formal education and that has helped”. 

“Both kids get all their homework or revision done straight after school and they’re officially off books before dinner daily,” he said. “The family will also fit in a board game every night as a bonding exercise and the kids will then be given 30 minutes of television time just before bedtime. They’re both in bed by 9pm on school nights.” 

Ms Sylvia Ong, 36, who works in the public service sector and is a mother of three boys aged four, six and eight, goes for a particular “bedtime ambience” by dimming the lights. She also makes sure her kids have a shower and put on their pyjamas. 

“Near bedtime, I turn off the lights in their bedroom, leaving just a small table lamp on,” she explained. “We also lay comforters on their beds to add a cosy touch, that makes them look forward to bedtime. When it’s time to sleep, I’ll turn off the lamp and leave them to fall asleep on their own. 

“Often they will talk and play a bit before falling asleep one by one; it’s good bonding time for them so we leave them alone,” she added. 

On weekends and some weeknights, Ms Ong and her husband read to their kids before bedtime too. 

“Even my eldest who is eight years old loves to get under the duvet with me and his brothers and listen to me read,” she said. “I think hearing bedtime stories soothes them. Again, only a table lamp is left on in the room.” 

Auditor Juliana Ang , 41, has a six-year-old daughter and her bedtime routine involves calming her down before sleeping.

“We do a wind down for around 30 minutes before bedtime although sometimes we manage an hour,” she said. “This could be reading or just chatting about our day. It doesn’t always work though, because she often wants to talk or read more and does throw the odd tantrum. But because it works most of the time, we haven’t changed it.”

It’s not uncommon for children to throw tantrums at bedtime, especially when they’re overtired and frustrated. Ms Guttmann advised parents to stick to consistent routines and bedtime curfews, so as to prevent children from getting too tired.

If they do throw a tantrum at bedtime, be prepared to deal with it — by addressing the child in a "calm, firm and re-assuring manner”, said Ms Guttmann.

Interestingly, she that children “will listen better once they’re well rested” so don't keep the child up when you are dealing with them. 

Does this mean they ought to go to bed with the issue perhaps not fully resolved? Well ... yes, said Ms Guttmann. 

“I recommend parents have a follow-up conversation on boundaries and acceptable behaviour the next day, rather then when a child is over-tired,” she said.