How to deal with 5 depressing situations

SINGAPORE — From our first Prime Minister, Mr Lee Kuan Yew, to our current one, Mr Lee Hsien Loong, to celebrities like Hugh Jackman and Goldie Hawn, many notable personalities have embraced meditation and sing its praises. But what about ordinary folk like us?

Headspace founders Andy Puddicombe and Richard Pierson shed some light on what to do when faced with specific issues.

1 YOU’RE NOT CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU HAVE

Reconsidering your relationship with material objects and desires is Puddicombe’s advice. “The material things are fine in themselves. It’s how you perceive them — whether you’re dependent on them to make you happy. We’re setting ourselves up for disappointment if we look beyond ourselves for happiness because even if we achieve those things, we want more. Then we set the bar higher. It never ends. You can find extremely wealthy people who are extremely unhappy. Even though we know that and we hear it all the time, we don’t believe it. But by training your mind on a daily basis, you start to see that happiness is in ourselves. The more you meditate, the less you need to look outside for happiness.”

2 YOU’RE LONELY (DESPITE 4,752 FOLLOWERS ON INSTAGRAM)

Pierson zooms in on the huge personal disconnect in a world where we’re all interconnected. “Technology has enabled us to hide behind technology (to have friends and feel connected). But you need to reconnect with yourself before you can really connect with others. Once you do that, you would rather have an actual conversation with people rather than instant messaging them. That’s invaluable.”

3 YOU’RE FACED WITH A FRIGHTENING ILLNESS

Puddicombe, who was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 2013 but is now in the clear, says one should learn to be okay with uncertainty. “I definitely started doing more meditation during that time. It helped ground me because, at that moment, like when you’re doing scans, you don’t know (what is going to happen). Sometimes that uncertainty is very uncomfortable so we try to find security — we either worry about the future and create new ideas of what might happen or go back and wish things were how they used to be. Meditation teaches us to be confident in resting in uncertainty. It’s difficult but if we’re okay with not knowing, then the journey is not as frightening as it might otherwise be. I’m also very lucky to have support from family and friends.”

4 YOU’RE AS IRREPARABLY SCREWED UP AS MAD MEN’S DON DRAPER

Former ad man Pierson confesses he can relate to television’s most damaged character. “I think the important thing to know is everything can change (for the better). We may feel like nothing can change, but the truth is, it can. It’s how much you’re willing to put into the process. It’s not a short-term thing. I know it’s not a popular thing to say when everything is so instant these days, but there’s something about constancy, something about meditating over and over again, gradually increasing in frequency to see the results. It’s like regular exercise. It’s not about going for a retreat for a week and thinking you’re going to be fixed after that. I don’t think it’s very realistic. Change can take a long time, especially if you’ve been a certain way your whole life.”

5 YOU’RE IMPATIENT AND CAN’T WAIT FOR MEDITATION TO SHOW RESULTS

There’s a difference between getting calm and gaining insights, explains Puddicombe. “With meditation, you can feel calm and relaxed immediately. You can immediately wash away the busyness of the mind. This is fine, but it’s not the whole deal as you’d have to get out of your seat and get on with life. You will get stressed again. But each time you calm the mind, there’s a degree of insight. You better the mind to let go of some of those fixed conditions or habits such as anxiety or anger, impatience. Every time we calm the mind, leave it there long enough—just a few more minutes to get enough of these insights over time.” Serene Lim