Is ‘sharenting’ affecting your relationship with your child?

SINGAPORE — It is a common sight on everyone’s Facebook feed these days — parents constantly posting photos of their children. Birthdays, first days of school, Christmases, Chinese New Years are all subject to the online over-sharing. Often, there is no special occasion, but up pops a random photo of a parent and child sharing a moment together.

Social media is also alight with many parents posting personal thoughts about their parenting joys (and, at times, woes), which could be anything ranging from how proud they are of their child, to a cute thing the kid has said or done.

This modern form of parenting is known as “sharenting”, which is, as the word suggests, sharing everything about the parenting experience on social media.

But experts question whether is it an appropriate way of sharing, seeing that most of the time, the child is not aware of such posts. How does posting about kids affect them in the long run? And does it compromise their safety and privacy?

It is not just the fact that your child’s face is out there on the World Wide Web that poses a problem. There is also the issue of how this affects them when so many aspects of their life are shared online — especially without their permission.

In a study of 250 families conducted in the United States last year, children over 10 revealed that they felt frustrated and embarrassed when parents share stories of them online without their permission. But many parents do not seem to be aware of such consequences.

YOUR CHILD’S RIGHT TO PRIVACY

“The implications of ‘sharenting’ extend far beyond questions of safety, and get at the heart of a new model in parenting,” said Dr Natalie Games, a psychologist at Alliance Professional Counselling.

“Parents’ responsibilities have now extended to ensure that the potential distribution of private information about their children to mass audiences is controlled. There are clear benefits to all this sharing, especially for families and friends who are geographically dispersed, and for parents who share details about their children’s lives to seek advice from trusted friends. However, without clear guidelines, this new parenting paradigm can also pose a real threat to a child’s sense of autonomy over their self-actualisation,” she said.

Dr Tan Ern Ser, Families For Life council member, suggested that parents should take into consideration how their sharing will affect their child later in life.

“Parents often want to share memorable and significant milestones in their kids’ childhood. While such photos are probably harmless, some of those showing the infant throwing tantrums or misbehaving, which may come across initially as cute when the child is young, could turn into a source of embarrassment when he/she is older,” said Dr Tan.

Over-sharing your child’s personal moments online should be curbed when children reach an age where they are able to exercise more self-control over their own behaviour, Dr Tan said. While it is hard to pin down a specific age, he advised that parents should be careful when making posts on social media.

Dr Games admitted that professionals are still in the process of understanding the consequences of sharing images and information about children on social media, as the first generation of children who grew up on social media are only now coming of age.

However, she added that there are three main issues to be considered: The right to a certain sort of privacy; the need for young people to make mistakes and for that to be somewhat safe and private, and not for everlasting public consumption; and the need for children to seek autonomy from their parents.

WHAT IS APPROPRIATE?

So, what should parents never post about their children?

Dr Games listed some examples, such as shaming them about poor grades, any struggles they might be going through (such as reading difficulties or bed wetting), and vulnerable or embarrassing moments. That means anything from your child being sick in bed, to milestones such as potty training, your daughter’s first period, or your son’s first pimple.

“Keep these milestones special (and) within the family,” said Dr Games.

And, of course, there is the one rule that many parents know about but continue to flout: Photos.

“All photos posted have metadata attached, which reveals where the photo was taken,” said Dr Games.

“So — even though you may not have disclosed your child’s full name, or other personal information — simply by posting the photo, anyone can see what your child looks like, and has access to other personal information.”

If you must post photos, then ensure the privacy settings are on, she said. However, remember that sharing photos of your child might also put them at risk of digital kidnapping, where strangers can pretend that your child is their child.

“And never post photos of your child in states of undress — your photos can fall into the wrong hands and be accessible to paedophiles or sex predators,” she warned.

As a general rule, before you post anything about your child online, ask yourself a few questions and make sure you’re not doing it to boost your own ego.

Dr Games said: “Take the time to think about whether it’s appropriate — if in a year or five years, your child would be embarrassed by anything you’ve done.”

She said to pause, and reflect on why you actually making your posts. Bringing awareness to your own motivation can determine whether your reasons are positive, she said. Question whether your motivation is really to give yourself a social boost.

Dr Tan added that while it is fine for parents to express their delight, pride and joy in parenting, there is a need to balance how much and how often they share on social media.

“While parents should take pride in their children, it must not become an ego trip,” he said.