EPL returns with a mix of magnificence, mojo and madness

The English Premier League returned with an almighty crash, bang and wallop on a dramatic opening weekend. Having surveyed the wreckage, TODAY’s EPL analyst Adrian Clarke (sports [at] mediacorp.com.sg) offers his debrief of the action.

MANCUNIAN MAGNIFICENCE

One swallow does not make a summer, but based on the first 90 minutes of the campaign, Manchester United and Manchester City are the teams to beat this season.

Jose Mourinho’s men did not just wipe the floor with a wet-looking West Ham United — they also screwed them up, and put them in the bin for good measure. A 4-0 win does not do justice to their dominance.

Playing a controlled brand of quality attacking football, blending power with panache in a manner that Old Trafford has been starved of in recent years, this new-look United conjured up the performance of the weekend.

Nemanja Matic and Romelu Lukaku were beasts, with the latter scoring two fine goals on debut, and around them, high-quality movement and skill shone through.

As for City, they wore down a spirited Brighton team with menacing authority.

The pace of Kyle Walker at wingback lit the light blue touch paper, as Pep Guardiola’s men moved the ball around like it was on X2 speed at the Amex Stadium.

We should not get carried away, but these two Manchester sides appear a LOT better than they were.

SET-PIECE HORROR SHOWS

Defending has long been a dirty word in English football, but rarely has a weekend delivered quite as much misery for markers.

It is as if Premier League bosses spent all summer practising the art of taking set-pieces, while simultaneously forgetting to put on a single session outlining how to defend them.

General levels of organisation and concentration from set plays were staggeringly bad, with Liverpool the worst culprits of an exceedingly iffy bunch.

The numbers tell their own story.

Dozy defending from dead balls accounted for over 45 per cent of the goals scored (11 of 24) across Match Day One.

It has been in vogue for four or five years now, but EPL teams are still struggling to master the art of zonal marking from corners.

The idea is to protect space and attack the ball once it comes near you (rather than being designated a specific opponent to nullify), but the penny has not dropped that attackers who have a free run at space can jump higher than a defender who is rooted to the spot.

In my view, teams need to designate man-markers for the most dangerous players, or at least try to block them, with other spare men looking after zones along the six-yard line.

Full-blown zonal set-ups are just too easy to punish.

HAS ROONEY FOUND HIS MOJO?

The last time I looked, the creators of the ever popular “Football Manager” or Fifa computer games did not list an attribute for emotional spirit.

Maybe they should?

Wayne Rooney, back on familiar soil among his Liverpudlian brethren, and restored to main-man status by his gaffer, used the power of emotion to help inspire a performance that might silence at least a few of his many doubters.

Renewed passion and responsibility gave him an extra 10 per cent at Goodison Park.

In this post-Lukaku era, the Toffees need runners to fling themselves into the penalty area whenever the ball goes wide, and the way Rooney did this for the only goal of the game was wonderful to watch.

Starting the move from deep, he sprayed the ball to Dominic Calvert-Lewin before tearing towards the penalty spot.

His header on the run, a technically brilliant effort aimed back across the keeper, sent his new/old supporters into quite the frenzy.

Rooney looks lean and mean as an Everton player, and seems to be happy wearing the badge.

YOU ALWAYS GET ONE (OR THREE)

Gary Cahill was first in line for this season’s dunce’s hat for a reckless studs-up slide at Steven Defour’s legs. It was an imbecilic tackle that saw the Chelsea skipper dismissed after just 14 minutes at home to Burnley — a blow that effectively killed their hopes of three points.

Personally, I believe red cards should be reserved for when studs actually crash into an opponent (this one just missed), but for now, the rules of intent state he had to go, so there can be no excuses.

Not content with providing one Wally of the Week, Chelsea gave us another when Cesc Fabregas, who had already been cautioned for sarcastically applauding the referee, lunged at Jack Cork’s right ankle. Cue a second, much deserved, early bath.

Yet remarkably, those two title winners were made to look positively angelic and intelligent compared with Newcastle United’s Jonjo Shelvey.

With a difficult contest at home to Spurs nicely in the balance at 0-0, the Magpies captain, rankled by Dele Alli holding onto the ball on the turf, made the most mind-bendingly buffoonish decision to stamp all over his ankle —right under the referee’s nose.

It could not have been more blatant.

The misdemeanour cost his team a point, and if Rafa Benitez has any sense, it will also cost Shelvey the armband too.

MAGIC MINNOWS

While I could write at length about the first day woes of Antonio Conte and Frank de Boer, let us concentrate on the positive stories to emerge this weekend, and these were the heroics of relegation candidates Burnley and Huddersfield Town.

I still fancy both for the drop, but they were in marvellous form on Saturday, providing a welcome and timely reminder of why no EPL game is ever a foregone conclusion ahead of kick off.

While an 11 versus 10 and 11 versus 9 advantage obviously aided Burnley’s cause at Stamford Bridge, Sean Dyche’s men played some lovely passing football to carve open the champions, scoring three delightfully-executed goals.

The same applied to Huddersfield Town, who were featuring in their first top-flight game in 45 years.

Authoritative from back to front, with Aaron Mooy, Tom Ince and Steve Mounie especially influential, the Terriers embarrassed De Boer’s Palace with a supreme display of confidence on the big stage.

These two underdog triumphs are just the tonic the rest of the division needed.

When the madness resumes next week, every single EPL side will believe anything is possible.

Players of the Weekend: 1. Lukaku 2. Vardy 3. Vokes

Performances of the Weekend: 1. Manchester United 2. Burnley 3. Huddersfield Town

Game of the Weekend: Arsenal 4 Leicester City 3