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Filial society? Not too late to teach the young

I refer to this week’s Talking Point, “Are we still a filial society?” Our parents, in their younger days, were taught to obey their parents and show respect to elders.

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Adeline Goh

I refer to this week’s Talking Point, “Are we still a filial society?” Our parents, in their younger days, were taught to obey their parents and show respect to elders.

They would not abandon the elderly should the latter have any illnesses. Usually, grandparents would live with their children and grandchildren. The Chinese saying about raising children for old age stayed true in their era.

Today, young families must care for their young children and ageing parents. Support at home has decreased; both parents work and other relatives are not there to help out.

The elderly are typically left at home with their new companions, domestic helpers, whether they like it or not. Cultures and living habits clash, and the elderly often do not adapt to having helpers with them.

Mostly, young families try to visit weekly when possible. It is a challenge when one must juggle visits to one’s parents and in-laws while the children have enrichment classes during the short weekend.

With global competition in education and work, we understand that our young children are growing up in stressful conditions. The old Chinese saying does not work in our era.

What we can do is provide for our children’s basic educational needs and save for our retirement. It will be a tougher world for the young generation; we cannot expect them to support us. It would be good if they earn enough for their families and can afford a flat.

Meanwhile, we can teach them the values of family, as well as encourage them to chat with their grandparents and help out with chores.

When caring for sick aged parents, we should take our children along, the situation permitting, to teach them how to care for elders and that it is not only the domestic helper’s job but the responsibility of all family members.

The elderly respond better to family members and familiar surroundings. Although there are better medical facilities and more people to look after them at nursing homes, this may not translate to better mental well-being for ageing parents.

If each of us makes an effort to teach the young generation, whether our children, students or others, to be respectful to elders, they would remember this value and pass it on.

I have seen children getting away with being rude to their grandparents and families not communicating when they are out: The father playing with his phone, the mother chatting on the phone and the child being fed by the helper.

On rare occasions, I see youth giving up their seats to the elderly, sometimes chatting with them. Some let the elderly go ahead in a queue.

It is not too late. Most importantly, we must lead by example; actions speak louder than words.

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