Married couples who choose to live apart for personal space: "Maybe your job is more important than your partner?”

The latest episode of The Zoe and Liang Show saw hosts Zoe Tay and Guo Liang and Mediacorp DJs Hazelle Teo and Jensen Wang discussing the topic of cheating.

More specifically, they shared their thoughts on whether physical or emotional cheating is worse. 

While Hazelle and Jensen find both physical and emotional cheating hard to accept, they chose emotional cheating to be the lesser of two evils.

“I find emotional cheating a bit easier to accept, because it would mean that the [relationship] is still at a stage where it can be saved,” said Jensen.

“Maybe you’ve been with your partner for a long time, and when you meet someone new, like a new colleague, or a new friend, you might feel like you guys get along very well. Perhaps in that moment, your emotions will be stirred. I feel like [that feeling] is inevitable, but you shouldn’t act on it,” added Hazelle.

She then explained that having positive feelings for someone else other than one’s partner is “okay”, but when one starts sending the other party text messages that aren’t typical of how friends communicate, that’s crossing the line and considered “emotional cheating”. Sending texts like “Baby, good morning” for example, is definitely not acceptable as well.

Guo Liang believes that finding out about emotional cheating will make someone feel worse than if they were to find out about physical cheating

Guo Liang on the other hand, feels like emotional cheating is more unforgivable.

“Whether it’s men or women, everyone is very liberal when it comes to the idea of sex these days. Maybe someone wakes up in the morning [after sleeping with someone who is not their partner], and it’s a done deed, regardless of whether they were drunk. If you think of emotional cheating, it’s a continuous longing for someone else, and [one’s partner] will never find out about it,” said the host.

He added that a person could be having a meal with their partner and said partner would never know that they are thinking of someone else at that moment.

Guo Liang continued: “To my understanding, emotional cheating is looking at someone as a God or Goddess, and their charm is incomparable. But because of some reason, the two people can’t be together. Is that something that can ever be cut off?”

Zoe believes that it’s something that can indeed end, even after “admiring someone for so long”. However, she feels that physical cheating can turn into a habit, and that is unforgivable.

Nonetheless, Guo Liang argued that emotional cheating is the precursor for physical cheating, as one’s thoughts can always evolve into actions. However, he believes that physical cheating can be more of a ‘one and done’ situation.

Zoe and Wang Yuqing have always maintained a platonic friendship

Hazelle posed the question: “Do you feel like there can be friendship between men and women?”

While Zoe, Jensen and Hazelle all believed that friendships between people of opposite genders exist, Guo Liang, again, took the opposing point of view.

“I highly doubt that the relationship between a man and woman who get along really well is purely friendship,” said the host.

Zoe demurred, raising an example from her personal experience: “It’s really possible! Like my friendships with [Chen] Hanwei and [Wang] Yuqing.”

She then implied for good measure that she wasn’t romantically interested in Wang Yuqing even when the actor was at Peak Attractiveness: “I was good friends with Yuqing when he was at the height of his popularity, and he was very handsome back then. We got along super well but sparks never flew between us. Even if we were both single, it was impossible between us.”

Both Guo Liang and Jensen revealed that when men take the initiative to get to know a female better, they are usually driven by positive feelings.

“Another situation could also be that [a man] never found his female friend to be attractive, but maybe he really appreciates an aspect of her, like her work ethic, then maybe, it could be purely a friendship,” added Guo Liang.

The younger stars agreed that some couples may have chosen to live apart because their work takes precedence over their partner

The group then discussed the new trend of married couples living separately from each other.

“In Japan, there are married couples who live in different houses. They don’t feel the need to stay in the same house after marriage, and would rather have their personal space,” explained Jensen.

According to Guo Liang and Hazelle, there are also “weekend couples” who, as the name suggests, only meet each other on the weekends.

“One of the reasons why people might choose to live apart is because of their jobs. Jobs have started to play a more important part in [people’s lives] and they feel more pressure. We’re talking about married couples here that don't really have problems with their marriage. Jobs these days aren’t just nine to five, for those in more senior positions, they go on overseas work trips and they have to entertain [clients],” said Guo Liang, who believed that many couples might choose to stay apart due to work. 

We guess Guo Liang was trying to see things from a more “progressive” couple’s point of view here, though we’re still not quite sure why couples who travel for work and entertainment would need separate abodes. 

And um, are these couples who can afford not just one, but two abodes in Singapore?  

“Work aside, maybe some people choose to live their lives that way, even if they work a regular nine-to-five job. Maybe they choose to live apart from their partners because ‘absence makes the heart fonder’.” reasoned Hazelle.

“I don’t agree with that though,” said Guo Liang. “There are thousands of reasons to be a weekend couple, but there are equally many reasons to not be. As long as you are willing to [put in the effort]. For example, one party can sacrifice their job,” he said.

Jensen then explained that it is a common idea for older people to “sacrifice for the big picture”, but people nowadays might prefer the idea of having their own time and space. 

“Then what’s the point of getting married?” questioned Guo Liang.

“Things are different now; you don’t get married because of having a family or children. Everyone gets married for different reasons, but you must think of what you want in a marriage, you can’t possibly be thinking about accommodating your partner every day. Perhaps your job is more important to you than your partner,” explained Jensen, who got a nod of agreement from Hazelle. 

Guo Liang countered: “I think people need to live responsibly, and this responsibility includes giving and taking. You can’t want everything. I think it’s a selfish way of thinking.”

“When two people are together, you will find out that you don’t mesh well in certain aspects of life, such as lifestyle or diet. So, when you find someone who is similar to you, you need to learn to adapt to them and give in, and that’s why you get married right,” added Zoe. 

“I think it’s okay for a married couple to be apart for, say, one day a week. In fact, I believe space is needed. Is this a ‘young people thing’?” asked Hazelle. 

However, Guo Liang clarified that being apart for a day and being a weekend couple are two different concepts. 

“Okay, weekend couples are apart for five days, maybe that’s too much. To me, that’s too much, ‘cos you’re together less than you’re apart. But to be apart for one day I think it’s fine,” explained Hazelle, who then asked Jensen about his opinion. 

“I think being apart for a few days is fine too,” said Jensen, who then got a scoff from Zoe. 

He continued: “Because [this arrangement] exists for a reason, right?” Since we brought up the topic of responsibility, I don’t think it is only limited to responsibility towards others, it’s also being responsible for yourself. When two people are together, you will definitely need to get used to each other, when it comes to habits and all, no matter how well you get along, there will be disagreements. After many small disagreements, it will result in you feeling mentally affected, and you might take out your anger on your partner.”

Jensen then brought up the benefit of living apart. “You can potentially take the time that you spend on disagreements to get over it by yourself. I think that’s being responsible too,” he added. 

“Yes you ‘digest’ it yourself and get over it, you don’t need to take it out on your partner,” agreed Hazelle.

Guo Liang and Zoe did not see any reason for married couples to want to live separately

“When people are in a relationship, the good thing is that their happiness doubles, because of their shared interests, topics and values. If you want to live apart and focus on your differences, then what’s the point of getting married?” said Guo Liang.

He continued: “I feel like people who are married but choose to live apart and not get divorced are very overboard and very selfish. They only know how to love themselves and not others.”

“Loving yourself is the precursor of loving others, how would you know to love others if you don’t love yourself?” asked Jensen.

“That’s a good point. But you can’t only love yourself,” asserted Guo Liang.

Zoe and Guo Liang then shared that the importance of marriage is learning to give and take, and accommodating to your partner.

“Wearing the wedding ring means locking your heart. When two people are together for a long time, the passion will ultimately die down, but the feeling you have for someone will always be there. But if you choose to live apart, you will feel like the feelings aren’t important anymore and it’s something that you don’t need to [put in effort] to upkeep, and both parties will drift further and further apart from each other,” explained Zoe.

Watch the full episode of The Zoe and Liang Show on meWATCH, or catch it below.