Singapore is a multicultural nation. With citizens of multiple ethnicities, we have progressed remarkably as “one united people” in our history as a nation. But in this age of globalisation and information (and disinformation), fault lines along various social issues threaten to upset this hard-won balance.
Be it issues around race and religion, foreigner-local interactions, or intergenerational divides, everyone can have an opinion and the ability to speak one’s mind on a plethora of platforms.
The ability to share one’s opinions is just as important as the acknowledgement of others' perspectives. While everyone can have different points of view, striving to win arguments rather than finding shared values can only lead to conflict in our community. This makes civic discourse crucial to Singapore.
Only when we understand and appreciate the concerns of all can we strengthen trust and build closer relationships with one another.
WHY CIVIC DISCOURSE IS IMPORTANT
FOR SINGAPORE
“This was funny last time, so why isn’t it funny now? People are too sensitive these days.”
“I don’t find it amusing, but people should be allowed to do what they want.”
“Good, we don’t need them anyway. Singapore is too crowded, and we need more jobs for locals.”
“Can locals really fill all the jobs required?”
“Expats help drive our economy forward. We need them to maintain Singapore’s competitiveness.”
“We still use so many plastic bags and generate plastic waste. Tackling climate change? Talk is cheap.”
“We need to do something now. Daily temperatures are on the rise and Singapore is an island. Do we want to be flooded?”
“It doesn’t impact me and I am more concerned about the rising cost of living. Can the gov prioritise that instead?”
“Brownface is never funny. It’s a racist caricature.”
“This was funny last time, so why isn’t it funny now? People are too sensitive these days.”
“I don’t find it amusing, but people should be allowed to do what they want.”
“Can locals really fill all the jobs required?”
“Good, we don’t need them anyway. Singapore is too crowded, and we need more jobs for locals.”
“Expats help drive our economy forward. We need them to maintain Singapore’s competitiveness.”
“We need to do something now. Daily temperatures are on the rise and Singapore is an island. Do we want to be flooded?”
“It doesn’t impact me and I am more concerned about the rising cost of living. Can the gov prioritise that instead?”
“We still use so many plastic bags and generate plastic waste. Tackling climate change? Talk is cheap.”
It often seems that when people have differing opinions, common ground cannot be found. Strongly held personal perspectives and biases often prevent dialogue from evolving.
But the fact is that our perspectives are the products of our lives, and everybody's lived realities just aren't the same.
Everyone’s concerns and interests stem from a variety of sources that include culture, background and social status. Acknowledging this is the first step in having civic conversations that enable constructive dialogue.
Our ability to forge mutual understanding and appreciation despite our differences is the foundation of our social compact in multicultural Singapore.
- 22-year-old Chinese woman
- Studying
- Keen sense of social justice
- Environmentally “woke”
- Mixes socially within her race
- 46-year-old Malay man
- Works at an MNC
- Considers himself conservative
- Believes there is majority privilege
- Family-oriented
- 34-year-old Indian man
- Works in a bank
- Considers himself balanced – fiscally conservative but socially liberal
- Keen sense of social justice
- Practical
How then can we
bridge different perspectives?
The answer is far from simple.
For Ms Shahrany Hassan, the founder of The Whitehatters, an NGO that facilitates dialogue, keeping an open mind is an integral part of bridging these different perspectives. “Our values and social norms evolve. We need to question our perspectives and rethink our positions on issues.” she shares.
IT’S NOT
ABOUT WINNING
Keeping an open mind is crucial when having civic conversations because “it’s a conversation, not a debate where you are out to prove you’re right. A conversation is a dialogue – it’s about listening to understand and not to respond. It’s about going into a conversation to see things differently. It doesn’t matter that you’ve changed anyone else’s views, but you can now see the issue from different sides.”
ASK QUESTIONS
A great way to have a back-and-forth – while learning more about a person’s perspective – is by admitting you don’t understand an opinion or asking him or her to elaborate on a point. Pause to fully understand and be receptive to what they have to say.
PROCESSING DIALOGUE
Sometimes in a conversation, unpackaging the whys is crucial. For example, if someone shares a different opinion, try reconciling their view with yours. Where do you differ, and why? “It’s a lot to take in sometimes in the heat of conversation, but it is a good thought exercise to process views different from yours.”
FINDING COMMONALITIES
“For some engagements with polarising views, you cannot hope to just reach a middle ground because it would mean you are looking for a compromise. An example is religious issues.” In these conversations, look instead to establish common ground by hearing other perspectives and finding similarities, such as shared values, despite the stark differences.
A CONTINUOUS
CONVERSATION
If you don’t have a response, don’t resort to answering for the sake of it. A good conversation doesn’t necessarily have to stop there. Ms Hassan's advice: Tell the person you’re speaking to that you’re trying to process what they’ve shared, but you don’t have a response yet. Ask them if it’s possible to continue later on. This allows for further discussions to take place. Just remember that conversation is not a zero-sum game.”
FOSTERING FRIENDSHIPS
Ms Hassan encourages friendships to form and then to allow for sensitive, sometimes probing, questions to be asked without the risk of offending them. “You’ll be amazed at how few can pick up the phone and ask someone of a different race or faith a sensitive question, despite growing up in multiracial, multireligious, multicultural Singapore. Our relationships with and our understanding of our friends and neighbours need to go deeper,” she says.
IT’S NOT ABOUT WINNING
Keeping an open mind is crucial when having civic conversations because “it’s a conversation, not a debate where you are out to prove you’re right. A conversation is a dialogue – it’s about listening to understand and not to respond. It’s about going into a conversation to see things differently. It doesn’t matter that you’ve changed anyone else’s views, but you can now see the issue from different sides.”
ASK QUESTIONS
A great way to have a back-and-forth – while learning more about a person’s perspective – is by admitting you don’t understand an opinion or asking him or her to elaborate on a point. Pause to fully understand and be receptive to what they have to say.
PROCESSING DIALOGUE
Sometimes in a conversation, unpackaging the whys is crucial. For example, if someone shares a different opinion, try reconciling their view with yours. Where do you differ, and why? “It’s a lot to take in sometimes in the heat of conversation, but it is a good thought exercise to process views different from yours.”
FINDING COMMONALITIES
“For some engagements with polarising views, you cannot hope to just reach a middle ground because it would mean you are looking for a compromise. An example is religious issues.” In these conversations, look instead to establish common ground by hearing other perspectives and finding similarities, such as shared values, despite the stark differences.
A CONTINUOUS CONVERSATION
If you don’t have a response, don’t resort to answering for the sake of it. A good conversation doesn’t necessarily have to stop there. Ms Hassan's advice: Tell the person you’re speaking to that you’re trying to process what they’ve shared, but you don’t have a response yet. Ask them if it’s possible to continue later on. This allows for further discussions to take place. Just remember that conversation is not a zero-sum game.”
FOSTERING FRIENDSHIPS
Ms Hassan encourages friendships to form and then to allow for sensitive, sometimes probing, questions to be asked without the risk of offending them. “You’ll be amazed at how few can pick up the phone and ask someone of a different race or faith a sensitive question, despite growing up in multiracial, multireligious, multicultural Singapore. Our relationships with and our understanding of our friends and neighbours need to go deeper,” she says.
Is it the message?
Or the messenger?
As important as keeping an open mind is, sometimes conversation can be stifled simply by how we communicate.
Thankfully, there are best practices in getting your message across effectively. Mr Tham Jun Han, COO and co-founder of Friendzone, a social organisation that connects communities through conversation, says it’s less about reaching a consensus but more about making that exploration together. His tips for good conversational skills aren’t just limited to big topic issues. Whether it’s discussing with your parents something you disagree on, or talking shop with colleagues, the ability to talk to someone is an essential life skill.
Tap on numbers for more
Tap on numbers for more
PRACTICE CONVERSATION SKILLS
Some essentials ones to have are:
- Let people talk: Don’t interject when someone else is not done with speaking.
- Have empathy: Empathy comes from having personal experiences to draw from, to understand where others are coming from, and to feel what they are feeling. It helps to expand your vocabulary of emotion words to reflect this.
- Mind your language: Be aware of how the words you choose can change the direction of the conversation.
BE PRESENT AND ACKNOWLEDGE
Be present during the conversation. That means maintaining eye contact and removing all distractions. When talking, acknowledge points and emotions – nod when they’ve made a valid point, say a simple “I hear you”, or reflect back what they’ve said. Remember to use the words that they used and don’t paraphrase.
RESPOND KINDLY
Showing love before asking a question makes someone more likely to be open to what you want to ask. There are different ways to show love:
- Appreciation (“Thank you for sharing that with me.”)
- Resonance (“When you shared this, it really resonated with me because I’ve been through something similar.”)
- Empathy: (“I’ve never experienced that myself, but I can only imagine what it felt like”)
SHOW YOUR CURIOSITY
Show your curiosity by trying to understand their experience better or paint a richer picture of their experience. Try asking about emotions (“How did that make you feel?”) instead of just facts. Remember, it’s not an interrogation.
REPRESENT YOURSELF
Use “I” instead of “we”. Don’t represent a group of people bigger than you, as an individual. Using “we” might alienate others because their experiences are different from yours.
SETTING THE TONE
Set expectations and boundaries before a conversation so that there is a safe space for disagreement. A great rule of thumb is to “challenge the idea, not the person”. This allows for participants to be more open with their opinions, knowing they won’t get shut down for them.
PRACTICE CONVERSATION SKILLS
Some essentials ones to have are:
- Let people talk: Don’t interject when someone else is not done with speaking.
- Have empathy: Empathy comes from having personal experiences to draw from, to understand where others are coming from, and to feel what they are feeling. It helps to expand your vocabulary of emotion words to reflect this.
- Mind your language: Be aware of how the words you choose can change the direction of the conversation.
BE PRESENT AND ACKNOWLEDGE
Be present during the conversation. That means maintaining eye contact and removing all distractions. When talking, acknowledge points and emotions – nod when they’ve made a valid point, say a simple “I hear you”, or reflect back what they’ve said. Remember to use the words that they used and don’t paraphrase.
RESPOND KINDLY
Showing love before asking a question makes someone more likely to be open to what you want to ask. There are different ways to show love:
- Appreciation (“Thank you for sharing that with me.”)
- Resonance (“When you shared this, it really resonated with me because I’ve been through something similar.”)
- Empathy: (“I’ve never experienced that myself, but I can only imagine what it felt like”)
SHOW YOUR CURIOSITY
Show your curiosity by trying to understand their experience better or paint a richer picture of their experience. Try asking about emotions (“How did that make you feel?”) instead of just facts. Remember, it’s not an interrogation.
REPRESENT YOURSELF
Use “I” instead of “we”. Don’t represent a group of people bigger than you, as an individual. Using “we” might alienate others because their experiences are different from yours.
SETTING THE TONE
Set expectations and boundaries before a conversation so that there is a safe space for disagreement. A great rule of thumb is to “challenge the idea, not the person”. This allows for participants to be more open with their opinions, knowing they won’t get shut down for them.
Singapore is built on a foundation of our differences. We have a melting pot of cultures, ethnicities and backgrounds, with experiences as diverse as they come.
Singapore is built on a foundation of our differences. We have a melting pot of cultures, ethnicities and backgrounds, with experiences as diverse as they come.
When we engage in conversation with a better understanding and appreciation for one another's diverse, lived experiences, we can realise our commonalities and resolve our differences constructively.
Whether our differences fracture us or unite us depends on how we talk to each other.
This is why civic conversations are important.
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“Brownface is never funny. It’s a racist caricature.”