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Fostering civil and open dialogue in Singapore

It’s fair to say we all want a Singapore that is vibrant, resilient, and cohesive. While we may have different opinions on the best route to get there, I hope we will honour our differences and celebrate common ground along the way.

Where do you see Singapore in the future?

It’s fair to say we all want a Singapore that is vibrant, resilient, and cohesive. While we may have different opinions on the best route to get there, I hope we will honour our differences and celebrate common ground along the way.

Having grown up in the United States, I saw the country go from a collegial one to what is now an example of unhealthy polarisation, where relationships with family members, friends, and colleagues are negatively impacted by differences of opinion, and politicians regularly vote based on party lines rather than what is best for the country.

I would like to think this would not happen in Singapore, but it can.

We are not immune to some of the situations we have seen elsewhere around the world.

I first came to Singapore in the late 1980s, a place I feel fortunate to now call home.

In my 25 years living here, I have partnered with a wide range of organisations from the corporate sector, government, and civil society as a consultant, facilitator and individual.

A few years ago, I was part of a session for a group of social entrepreneurs and civil servants.

The goal of the gathering was to help them better understand how to work with each other.

An hour into the session, one of the social entrepreneurs said: “When I came here I was expecting to meet a bunch of bureaucrats, but now I am looking around the room and can’t tell who is who, we are all just doing our best to make things better for society.”

Many times when I was facilitating or participating in sessions, I wished I could do a nationwide live feed to capture what I saw.

Public servants cried over how impressed they were with the efforts of civil society. Civil society members talked about their hopes of building a stronger society together with the government.

Civil society members and civil servants yelled at each other, then calmed down and found common ground.

Non-profit groups spoke with great passion about serving their beneficiaries, notwithstanding institutional and policy hurdles.

These are just a few examples from a multitude of such sessions.

In any society, it is normal, even healthy, for people to have differences of opinion.

Some people push the boundaries; others work to maintain stability.

How much freedom is healthy for a society, what human rights and protections are best, how much support to provide for the more vulnerable in society - these are examples of issues that create a legitimate range of views.

Our different roles in society and ideas for what is best for society can sow and magnify distrust.

However, we can disagree in an agreeable way.

After all, we care deeply about Singapore and that is our bond, no matter how we feel about specific issues.

Our views on issues point us to something we are good at, telling ourselves stories.

We construct stories about the things that happen, and most of the time cast ourselves as the “good” guys.

I call this the Disney effect, as most of us learn early in life to distinguish the good and the bad guys.

But we need to be careful about casting others who think different from us as the “bad” guys.

Margaret Wheatley, author of “Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope for the Future”, said, “It is not our differences that divide us. It’s our judgements about each other that do”.

Are civil servants bureaucratic? Possibly, but perhaps they are struggling to balance being both flexible and consistent?

Are civil society activists extreme? Perhaps a bit at times, but it could be they just want to get their message out into society.

Are our stereotypes about races and religions true? Ask anyone who gets stereotyped, which is probably most of us at times, and we will quickly find out that the stereotype is highly flawed.

So it’s time to go beyond our mental models of people and connect to each other at a deeper level.

We can all learn to construct healthier stories.

There is an Arabian proverb that suggests we ask about the stories we tell: “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?”

These questions keep our narratives in check, whether they are a family member, colleague, member of society, or politician.

We can we get better at giving others the benefit of the doubt, unless we have evidence to the contrary.

BUILDING UNDERSTANDING

Besides creating healthier stories, another important element for a cohesive society is to engage in dialogue that builds understanding, even if it doesn’t lead to agreement.

Our Singapore Conversations and the SG Future Engagements are examples of dialogues that brought together government officers and politicians with interested citizens.

Being involved in both of those efforts, I can tell you they were not part of a wayang or show, but genuine efforts to learn how to engage in deeper dialogue and build trust between government and the rest of society.

While we are still in the early days of these efforts, the good news is that policy changes were made due to feedback from citizens, and we are learning from other countries how to get better at co-creating the Singapore of the future.

Civility of open dialogue and trust in common intentions to build a better society is key.

Such conversations are increasing all around the country, hosted by people from across society, and some on social media, like dialectic.sg (whose motto is “Better debates for a better Singapore”) and “More than Just” on Facebook.

A combination of curiosity and caring, mixed with a healthy dose of giving others the benefit of the doubt, will make the difference as we co-create the Singapore of our dreams.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr Douglas O’Loughlin, a Senior Principal Consultant at the Civil Service College, was originally from the United States and has lived in Singapore since 1993. This piece first appeared in The Birthday Book 2018: The Roads We Take, a collection of 53 essays by a range of Singaporeans and Singapore residents reflecting on our individual and collective journeys as the Republic turns 53. TODAY will be carrying other essays from the book in the coming weeks.

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