Confessions of a cat cafe resident

SINGAPORE — The humans call me Little Miss Muffet. I don’t usually like to talk, but since I’ve just woken up from a short 15-hour nap, I’ll tell you a little bit more about myself and my new home.

I am a five-year-old Maine Coon and Ragdoll cross with soft, silky black and white fur and yellow-green eyes. In short — I am majestic, marvellous, and more comfortable to hug than your S$200 cushion.

But please don’t take that as an invitation to cuddle. I don’t do affection.

I was given up for adoption by a family relocating overseas, and now live at Cat Cafe Neko no Niwa — Singapore’s first cat cafe — with 12 other cats and several (negligible) humans who exist to feed and serve me. Human visitors pay S$12 for an hour-long meet-and-greet (and S$5 for every additional 30 minutes).

My furry neighbours include my brother Baloo, who at 7.5kg, is a bit of a pig rather than a cat. Undiscerning humans seem to love the friendly and affectionate one-year-old Jia Jia — he sometimes jumps onto their laps and curls up there. There are also two four-year-old divas who like to believe they rule just because they are pretty. Their names are (surprise, surprise) Miley and Demi.

Wait one second — let me focus on ignoring the human who is now stroking me.

Okay, I am back. There are boxes all around the cafe for my co-workers (we are colleagues, not friends) to snooze in when we tire of humans. But I prefer to be out in the open, where every living thing in the vicinity can bask in my glory. My favourite spot at the cafe is the ledge by the window facing the Singapore River — that’s some prime real estate there, and I like to look at my potential prey in the eye.

Hold on a minute — there’s now another human trying to attract my attention. Obviously I know it’s just a nonsensical toy, but I can’t help it. There is a small ball to be murdered and it needs my fullest attention.

These games can sometimes be quite diverting, but there are a few humans who make us jump or chase too much, just for a laugh. And to tell the truth, they are just asking for a swift scratch in the face (plus a stern warning from my human).

But for the most part, the humans who visit are gentle and respectful, and I don’t mind them that much. They come in to hug me and brush my fabulous fur, as they sip on their coffees and teas (the cheapest costs S$2.50) and nibble on their desserts (S$2 and above). I am not sure why, but every one seems delighted to see me, even when I am just sleeping or lying down. And you should see the commotion I cause when I wake up! Obviously, humans are a peculiar species and I fear I will never understand them.

But, hey, I am not going to complain. If they serve me well, I reward them with little kisses (before I put my bottom in their faces — just in case they forget who’s in charge here).

All right, I’m now feeling like another nap is in order. But feel free to stay and ogle.

Cat Cafe Neko no Niwa is located at 54A Boat Quay (Level 2), Singapore 049843. Tel: 6536 5319. Reservations recommended.