Chinese-Malay couple enjoy the best of both worlds

Negotiating the traditions imposed on new mothers during the month-long confinement period observed by the Chinese is tricky enough. Throw in Malay-Muslim post-natal practices, and things get decidedly more challenging.

New mother Li Jinghan found herself navigating such a delicate balancing act in May after giving birth to a baby girl.

In the end, the 27-year-old had a Chinese confinement nanny brewing red date tea and whipping up special dishes for her, and a Malay masseur doing traditional Malay herbal post-natal wraps and massages.

Trying to satisfy both families’ desire to keep up with traditions was probably one of her most stressful experiences to date of being in a mixed-race marriage, said the part-time tutor who converted to Islam.

Otherwise, she and her Malay-Muslim husband Muhammad Aizat Khalis, 29, have been enjoying the “best of both worlds”. Married for almost two years, his family would stock up oranges, snacks and drinks as gifts to her family for Chinese New Year, while during Hari Raya, her father would visit bearing 15kg of durians.

The pair started dating after Mr Aizat, who is a civil servant, made an impression on her when they were life-sciences students at the National University of Singapore. But he made it clear that if they did get married, she would have to convert.

Thankfully, their parents were supportive. Ms Li’s first meetings with Mr Aizat’s parents were emotional ones. “(His mother) told me if I couldn’t (convert), it was okay ... She also told me the most important thing was not to alienate my parents, or make them feel they lost a daughter ... I was very touched,” she said.

Ironically, her own struggles with converting to Islam — a journey that took her two years — was one of the biggest barriers to their relationship. The self-professed agnostic said she dropped out of the beginners’ course in Islam at Darul Arqam twice because she was unable to reconcile her own beliefs with what was being taught.

“I would ask questions that would border on the insensitive … like why must I cover up and wear a tudung (headscarf), why won’t my parents go to heaven if they don’t convert,” she said. She also found lifestyle changes such as eating only at halal places and praying five times a day “burdensome”.

It got so bad that the couple would argue constantly. “At that point, I viewed everything as a sacrifice just to be together with him,” said Ms Li.

When she began to realise these sacrifices are “blessings” in disguise, she was ready to convert to Islam.

She converted in 2015 and the couple got married later that year. They decided to give three-month-old Masha Muhammad Aizat a double-barrelled race — Javanese-Chinese — and will teach her about both their cultures.

“She will grow up to be more racially and religiously aware and learn to be more sensitive … She has the best of both worlds and gets exposed to the culture from both sides of the family,” Ms Li said. Toh Ee Ming