SINGAPORE — Receiving a barrage of texts at work might be infuriating for some, but Mr Harvinderjit Singh knows his daughter Kara’s gif-spamming antics too well. This is just one of the daily interactions with her that the 47-year-old operations executive describes as “moments he lives for”.

Life did not start out smoothly for 11-year-old Kara.

At just 72 hours old, she suffered a neonatal stroke that affected the left side of her brain. In subsequent paediatric and neurologist specialist appointments, it was noted that her developmental milestones for language were delayed. 

In 2016, after a psychological assessment, Kara was diagnosed with autism.

The diagnoses took a heavy toll on the family. In 2017, Mr Singh and his wife separated. Kara’s mother then relocated to the Philippines for work and enrolled Kara in an inclusive kindergarten there. 

In 2019, a decision was made for Kara to return to Singapore and attend primary school here.

Challenges present themselves on a daily basis for both Mr Singh and Kara. One is her tendency to be distracted throughout the day, which can be dangerous during certain activities such as crossing the road.

“The simple things that we deem normal becomes a challenge for her. That's why sometimes I have to step in as the disciplinarian because it becomes a safety issue,” Mr Singh said.

He also worries about Kara’s future and highlights concerns about his growing age. 

“Life is short, I don’t know if I’ll be around long enough to give her the life skills to take care of herself and not get scammed or taken advantage of. I want to be in her life long enough to protect her and keep her safe, at least until she can protect and take care of herself,” Mr Singh said.

To combat stress, he has tried a variety of activities such as taking walks after work, cycling and even planting during the Covid-19 circuit breaker period. Most recently, he took up Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

“Kara has been my number-one supporter, and her message to me is always: ‘Daddy, don't lose’,” Mr Singh said.

So far, he has taken part in three competitions and lost them all.

“I take this as part of my learning journey. One day, I will have my hand raised in victory, and that would be especially for her,” Mr Singh said.

THE 'NOOB' FATHER

He finds joy in his everyday interactions with Kara. When not spending time watching shows or gaming together after work, Kara often spends her time drawing. 

Mr Singh proudly shows off one of Kara’s masterpieces — a framed portrait she had drawn of him with the word “noob” on it. The word “noob” is often used to describe an individual who is inexperienced in an activity, which Mr Singh can relate to.

“As I sit and think about it, it really represents who I am in this journey as her father. I am a noob,” he said.

“No one has ever prepared me to be a dad, especially a special needs father. I’m always going to have to learn and understand that she and I are never going to have the same day, but we will make the best of each day as it comes.”

Today, Mr Singh and his mother take on the roles of Kara’s primary caretakers. 

Describing their arrangement as a “rotational shift”, Mr Singh spends as much time as possible with Kara outside of work, while Kara’s grandmother helps out when Mr Singh is at work, fetching her from the bus stop after school and ensuring her meals are taken care of.

Kara remains in daily contact with her mother through WhatsApp calls and texts.

As Kara is currently on a school holiday, she is spending time with her mother back in the Philippines.

“I miss her like crazy. The entire house is silent, no sounds of her laughter,” said Mr Singh.

“It’s a hard situation to deal with, but I have to understand that she wants and needs to spend time with her mum and that she loves her mum as much as she loves me.”

While Kara will not be back in time to celebrate Father’s Day with Mr Singh, he plans to have a belated celebration with her when she returns to Singapore: They will have their usual outing at the beach.

“We will spend time chilling in the water, make a sandcastle or two and enjoy some chips,” he chuckles.

Mr Singh smiles when recalling his journey with Kara thus far.

“At the end of the day, Kara will always be my child, my best friend and my biggest nemesis,” he said.

“It is an honour to be her dad, and I would never want to change it at any point in my life.”