Sex education should teach teenagers about desire

We are only as sick as our secrets. It is a recurring theme in TV crime dramas and research from the Federal Bureau of Investigation in the United States have shown that serial rapists or killers tend to have an isolated childhood and they harbour violent fantasies.

Their aggressive fantasies go uncorrected due to their isolation from society, which drives these criminals to seek refuge in their increasingly depraved fantasies.

In light of the increasing spate of sexual misconduct by students in tertiary institutions, and the recent dialogue by the Ministry of Education on gender and sexuality where parents expressed their concerns about sex education in schools, we should be more open-minded with the way we teach teenagers about sex.

I would suggest that there should be more sex education that teaches teenagers about sexual desires and pleasure.

It is human to have sexual desires. In our Asian society, we tend to refrain from talking about it.

However, no matter how much we try to ignore it, hormonal teenagers will certainly have questions about sex and related feelings — and the answers should come from a reliable source in school.

If teenagers have a safe space to learn about sex and desire, they will learn that there is no shame in expressing curiosity about sex.

They will also learn about safe sex and what it means when sex is consensual.

They will be less likely to be driven further down the rabbit hole of harmful sexual desires or turning to online pornography.

If we continue to sweep the issue under the carpet, it is more likely that young people might develop repressed fantasies or form misconceptions about sex and consent based on online material.

In such a scenario, there is likely no figure of authority to advise them on whether their fantasies are dangerous or harmful to others and should not be acted upon.

A United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (Unesco) survey of 48 countries that was published in 2015 found that comprehensive sexual education resulted in lower unintended pregnancy and also helped to promote gender equality.

By teaching teenagers about pleasure, males will learn to respect females when they learn that sex is not just about male pleasure.

Not only will improved sexual education increase males’ respect towards females – it will also improve the respect that girls and young women have for themselves, which might delay their sexual debut.

Any parent would know that the more you restrict a child from something, the more the child wants to do it. 

The more we dance around the topic of sex, the more we shroud the topic in a veil of alluring mystery.

This will not stop teenagers from engaging in underage sex or developing harmful sexual fantasies, but might even create an environment where they are more likely to happen. 

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