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Voices from the Front Lines: Parents worried, but battle scars are my hard-won gifts

In this instalment of Voices from the Front Lines, Dr Lee Pei Hua of the National Centre for Infectious Diseases writes about her last trip home to Penang and how she is thankful for some constants amid unprecedented change.

Dr Lee Pei Hua says she knew that "difficult choices" would come with a career in infectious diseases, but did not expect the moment to arrive so soon.

Dr Lee Pei Hua says she knew that "difficult choices" would come with a career in infectious diseases, but did not expect the moment to arrive so soon.

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As the fight against Covid-19 will be a long-drawn one, TODAY’s Voices section hopes to shine a light on the triumphs and struggles of Singapore’s front-line workers by publishing their first-hand accounts.

In this instalment of Voices from the Front Lines, Dr Lee Pei Hua of the National Centre for Infectious Diseases writes about her last trip home to Penang and how she is thankful for some constants amid unprecedented change.

“Please take good care of yourself, wash your hands and make sure you always wear a mask,” my mother nagged as I ended the video call with a heavy heart. That was May 23, exactly four months after Singapore announced its first Covid-19 case.

My monthly visits back home to Penang — a great source of comfort and cheer since I started work in Singapore in 2015 — had been suspended since travel restrictions came into force owing to the outbreak.

My last trip home in late January was unsettled by a series of text messages from colleagues and friends in the wake of Singapore’s first case.

As I broke the news to my parents, worry weighed heavily on their faces. I could sense the painful presence of the elephant in the room: No one could be sure when this would end or when we could see one another again.

“What is your daughter specialising in? Why did she choose this?” I could not help but eavesdrop on the conversation between my aunt and my mother then, as pangs of guilt crept into my heart.

My mother had hoped for me to become a dentist rather than a doctor, and then a general practitioner rather than a trainee in infectious diseases.

I knew that difficult choices would come with a career in infectious diseases, but did not expect this moment to arrive so soon.

Yet this outbreak has brought moments of pride and unity for me to cherish forever.

I remember those late evenings at the National Centre for Infectious Diseases, when my colleagues and I volunteered to stay behind to attend to newly admitted patients. The sense of camaraderie and teamwork in this time of crisis has given me immense support.

As American author Helen Keller wrote: “Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.”

Sometimes, as sweat clings to my body inside the hospital gown, as my protective goggles fog up and as my hair threatens to slip loose from the hair net, I take a deep breath to recompose and remind myself to be grateful for adequate personal protective equipment and such an efficient healthcare system.

I have learnt to be thankful for the constants in this time of unprecedented change, and to embrace the anxieties and frustrations of the job on my path towards becoming a better clinician.

This crisis has given me numerous opportunities to fulfil my calling, and allowed me to witness the beauty and generosity of human nature.

My heart aches as anxious patients share their challenges, but it also leaps for joy when families reunite after recovery and discharge.

I feel fortunate and humbled to be here, with all my battle scars — facial imprints, abrasions and pressure sores from my personal protective equipment — as hard-won gifts of my role as one warrior in this battle.

As William Shakespeare wrote: “We suffer a lot the few things we lack and we enjoy too little the many things we have.”

ABOUT THE WRITER:

Dr Lee Pei Hua, 33, is a first-year senior resident working at the National Centre for Infectious Diseases, under a National Healthcare Group infectious diseases residency programme. 

If you are on the front lines of the Covid-19 outbreak or know someone who wishes to contribute to this series, write to voices [at] mediacorp.com.sg with your full name, address and phone number.

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