SINGAPORE - Behind every athlete is a story of pain, tears and often, agonising defeat. Even the greatest have suffered for their craft, with American legend Michael Phelps’ post-Olympic troubles and return well documented ahead of his comeback at the Rio Games.

It is a struggle that national swimmer Pang Sheng Jun knows intimately.

At the 2009 SEA Games in Laos, the then 17-year-old saw his medal dreams crushed cruelly not once, but twice, when he finished fourth in the men’s 200m and 400m individual medleys.

Two years later, he was back on the starting blocks at the Jakabaring Aquatics Centre in Palembang, determined to win a medal in his sole event, the 400m freestyle, despite getting only a month of solid training because of his National Service (NS) commitments.

But his world came crashing down after he finished fifth.

Back at the Games Village, a distraught Pang climbed up to the highest floor of his apartment building, leaning on the railing as he reflected on his defeat and the disappointment he had caused his parents, coach, and army mates.

“You tend not to think straight when you’re in that state of mind,” the 23-year-old told TODAY during a recent training camp in Fort Lauderdale (above, photo: Jason Quah).

“When the race was over, I felt like there was no meaning to my life anymore. Because you want something so much and you don’t get it, what’s next?

“At that moment, the only way was to just jump.”

But teammate and best friend Russell Ong stepped in just as the suicidal swimmer was about to take his last leap.

Sensing something was amiss, Ong pulled Pang away from the railing, and told him that that ending his life would be a selfish mistake. Added Pang: “He encouraged me, and told me I was comparing myself too much with others.

“That got me back up on my feet to work towards 2013.”

COOLING DOWN

Pang’s mother, Agnes Ng, told TODAY that she was surprised to learn about the 2011 incident after reading about it on his blog.

“There was added stress for us then because we knew how hard it was to be granted leave (from NS) to compete, and that’s why we couldn’t face the failure,” said the 56-year-old mother-of-three.

“But after cooling down, we sat down with him to analyse what went wrong and we made the switch to another club (Swimfast) and he’s happy with the training environment.”

Ng and her husband Pang Boon Teng continue to support their youngest son in his swimming pursuits. She said: “Sheng Jun is a good boy and he always thinks from our perspective - that if he swims well, we will be happy.

“I told him, ‘swim for yourself from now on, don’t swim for us’. He doesn’t need the extra burden, if he does his best and isn’t lazy during training, that is good enough.”

Even as his family and friends rallied around him, Pang admitted that his demons – depression – never really went away, until he won gold with the men’s 4x200m freestyle team at the Myanmar SEA Games in 2013 (above. Photo: TODAY file photo)

He followed up the triumph with three medals at last year’s SEA Games: gold in the 4x200m freestyle relay, a silver and bronze in the 400m IM and 400m freestyle.

“The two years leading up to 2013 were probably the toughest two years of my life,” he said.

“I was lucky in 2013 I finally won gold in the 4x200 and that all the load I had in the past Sea Games just lifted. With that medal, I can focus on the good things in swimming rather than think the SEA Games is a curse.”

LEARNING TO COPE

Older, wiser and stronger, Pang said he has learnt to cope better with the disappointments in his career and life.

Earlier this month, the swimmer – who had clocked Olympic ‘B’ times in the 400m individual medley and freestyle – learnt that he had missed out on the final cut for the Rio Olympics, with only two ‘A’ qualifiers, Joseph Schooling and Quah Zheng Wen, and wildcard entry Quah Ting Wen getting their tickets to Brazil.

Despite the disappointment of missing out on his Olympic debut, Pang bounced back to claim two gold and two games records in the 400m IM (above; photo: NTU Facebook page) and 400m freestyle at last week’s 18th ASEAN University Games.

The Nanyang Technological University Sports Science and Management student is aiming for honours at next year’s SEA Games in Malaysia, and plans to swim full-time after his graduation in 2018 as he targets an Olympic berth at the 2020 Tokyo Games.

The national swimmer is also keen to share his life lessons with other athletes who may be struggling to cope with the pressures of training and competition.

“Even now, some parents ask me if I can talk to their kids as they know my swimming journey hasn’t been that smooth,” he told TODAY.

“I understand where they’re coming from because I’ve been through an all time low so when they talk about it I know they’re not exaggerating, because I know how it feels and how hurt they can be.”

Pang Sheng Jun (second from left) with good friends and past and present national swim mates Russell Ong (left), Clement Lim and Joel Tan. Photo: Pang Sheng Jun's Facebook page.

Acknowledging that it can be tough for elite athletes to admit that they need help – particularly psychological or mental help – he added: “I talked to the Singapore Sports Institute psychologist about the SEA Games this time to get in tune, because it was in Singapore and the pressure was higher.

“I had that thought once (that getting help makes me look weak), but I would rather be portrayed as weak than lose in a race because of my mental state. What others think doesn’t really matter to me now.”

PANG SHENG JUN FACT FILE:
Age: 23
Occupation: Sports Science and Management student at Nanyang Technological University
Achievements:
2015 SEA Games - Gold in 4x200m freestyle relay (in new national record time), silver in 400m IM, bronze in 400m freestyle
2014 SEA C’ships - Gold in 4x200m freestyle relay, bronzes in 200m and 400m IM and 400m freestyle
2013 SEA Games - Gold in 4x200m freestyle relay
2012 SEA C’ships - Gold in 4x200m freestyle relay
2011 FINA ARENA Swimming World Cup Singapore – Bronze in 1,500m freestyle