Ian Fang Missed His Grandmother’s Wake 'Cos Of Work: “I Didn't Want To Create Any Trouble For The Production Team"

“I would say goodbye to her, close the door and then burst into tears,” says Ian Fang as he recalls how his last few meetings with his late grandmother, who passed away in Shanghai earlier this month at 89, would end.

The 29-year-old actor tells 8days.sg that he has been “working to numb himself [from the pain]” as he was very close to her. His parents divorced when he was four, and he was raised by his grandmother, who he describes as a “typical traditional Chinese woman who doesn’t show her emotions”. In a touching Instagram post dedicated to his grandma, he also revealed that because he is not in contact with his father, he had taken his mum's surname, which is why he calls his granny 'nai nai' instead of 'wai po'. (FYI: Chinese kids typically call their father's mother 'nai nai' and their mum's mother 'wai po'.)

Sadly, Ian wasn't able to go back to China pay his last respects because he is currently filming two dramas, Taiwan-Singapore co-production, All Is Well and True Lies. My schedule is very tight and I really didn't want to create any trouble for the production team, he tells us, his voice tinged with regret.

“I really can't imagine what I’m going to do when I step in her house again in Shanghai,” he sighs.

But while he is sad that he wasn't able to send his beloved nai nai off, he assures us that he's feeling okay because they had chatted via video call every day before her death. He also tells us that the last time he saw her in person was during the recent Chinese New Year.

8 DAYS: We’re sorry for your loss. You must be devastated about not attending your grandmother’s wake.
IAN FANG: Yeah, I think I'll go back to Shanghai and kneel in front of her grave after I finish filming my dramas in May. The company was very nice and tried to accommodate me, but I refused to take any days off. After being a director on Fresh Takes!, I fully understand how difficult it is to make changes after the production schedule has been set. I vividly remember the day I received the news of my grandmother’s death. My mum got a call from her sister, saying that my grandmother had been admitted to ICU. She immediately booked a flight to China and flew back that night. But by the time she touched down, my grandmother had already passed away. All the women in my family are very strong and they don’t show their emotions. However, that day was the first time I saw my mum in a state of panic. She was so scared, and I was too, but I had to be strong in front of her.

How are you coping now?
I’m still trying to accept her death. It took me quite a few days to digest the news, and I didn’t shed a tear until a few days later when I re-watched my episode of [Ch 8 travelogue] Going Home, which I filmed with my grandma in Shanghai a few years back. I started getting emotional, hence the lengthy Instagram post. Sometimes when you’re alone at home, you tend to have a lot of thoughts and emotions. Of course, I have cried, and broke down twice.

You said in your post that your grandma saved your life.
Yes. I remember I went with her to buy vegetables at the market when I was four or five years old. And I randomly got picked up by a stranger who placed me on his bicycle. My grandma was walking in front and if she hadn’t turned her head back to check on me for that split second, I would've been kidnapped. She immediately dragged me off the bike and screamed at the person who scurried off.

Wow, that was a close call. What was your grandmother like?
She was a emotionally strong person. I’ve never seen her shed a tear in my entire life. She’s also the typical Asian woman who likes to show her love by asking the person if they had eaten. When she raised me, she always cooked for me. I absolutely loved her pork with soya sauce and Shanghai-style beef noodles.

What life lessons have you learnt from her?
She told me to be a good person. The Chinese have a saying: The more hardship you can endure, the more successful you'll be.

Did she dote on you?
She pampered me most! (Laughs) I was quite a naughty kid, jumping everywhere like a monkey. But she said she rather I be a monkey at home than a monkey outside. (Laughs)

Do you think she was proud of what you’ve achieved?
I think she was… I think she was very pleased with how filial I am. My biggest regret, however, is that I didn't get a chance to bring her to Singapore. She has never been here because of her age, it’s not convenient for her to travel such long hours on a plane.

Did your grandmother express any desire to see you get married when she was still alive?
Nope, she didn't say that, but I'm sure it would have made her happy. She was satisfied that I have a proper job and that I can take care of myself. I mean, me and my mum are Permanent Residents here. We have our own house and we’re living comfortably. As long as we were good, she was happy.

Are you planning to do anything to remember her? Perhaps write a song like what you did for Aloysius Pang?
I am still trying to come to terms with my emotions. I don't have the courage to do anything… yet.