The Big Read in short: Sizing up the bullying issue

Each week, TODAY’s long-running Big Read series delves into the trends and issues that matter. This week, we look at the issue of bullying in schools and how should teachers and parents handle such incidents. This is a shortened version of the full feature,​ which can be found here.

SINGAPORE — One had her picture tagged to a crying baby and her face cropped out of a group photo on Instagram, while being called “dumb”, “loser” and “trash”, and the other had her clipboard taken and snapped into half.

Hannah, 17, and May, 13, whose names are changed to protect their identity, were also added into separate chat groups for the bullies to taunt and malign them. 

The issue of bullying in schools came under the spotlight earlier this month, when one such incident at Mee Toh School was highlighted by Twitter user @4YSLZ in a series of tweets which went viral on social media — prompting a response from Education Minister Ong Ye Kung himself. 

The user shared that her sister’s classmates had thrown pieces of paper with insulting notes in the girl’s face and picked on her race.

This was not the first time that her sister had been bullied, the Twitter user said, adding that the 11-year-old had been called names and cyberbullied. Her uniform was also vandalised in the past.

These incidents and TODAY’s interviews with bully victims, parents and teachers suggest that bullying is not uncommon in schools — from small unkind remarks to physical altercations and, more recently name-calling on social media. 

In response to TODAY’s queries, the Ministry of Education (MOE) stressed that when bullying incidents are reported, they are “promptly investigated and appropriate disciplinary actions taken against the bullies”. 

The number of bullying cases has remained “low and stable” in the past five years, said MOE. 

“However, even though the numbers remain low, we treat each incident with utmost concern,” the ministry reiterated.  

ON THE RECEIVING END 

While schools take a firm stance against bullying, TODAY found that victims often suffer in silence and experience long-term effects of bullying.

Hannah, for example, would not have told her mother about the bullying incidents had the latter not felt that something was amiss when the girl was crying herself to sleep for two nights. 

The reason — a tweet by her bully that said: “Your teeth are ugly.”

“I was afraid if I told my parents and they brought it up to the teachers, (the bullies) would call me a snitch,” she said, adding that her parents might also confiscate her mobile phone.

She also lied about having a stomachache to skip school for two days.

Similarly, May admitted that she was being bullied only after her mother realised that she had been coming home hungry for nearly two weeks.

The girl, whose mother told TODAY she has trouble expressing herself, also did not speak up about the other incidents as she wanted to avoid any kind of social engagement with her bullies. 

While such acts of mischief could have a lasting effect on those at the receiving end — many of them felt anxious and intense fear at the thought of going to school — several former bullies told TODAY that they were unaware of the severity of their actions at that time. 

ITE student Lisa (not her real name), who bullied Hannah when they were in secondary school, said the pair only buried the hatchet after they graduated.

She said: “I think at that time we were just being stupid teenagers. I didn’t like her because she liked to cry over every little thing so I felt like she was being an attention-seeker.”

After the bullying was reported, her father — who was raising her and two other siblings on his own — was called up by the school and she was asked to apologise to Hannah.

“I think I was more angry at her when I was asked to apologise. I didn’t understand what I did was wrong and I felt like everyone overreacted,” Lisa said. 

It took her three years after the incident to realise how her actions could be deemed as bullying.

HOW TO IDENTIFY BULLYING 

So, what separates actual bullying from childhood mischief? 

MOE defines bullying as:

•  persistent behaviour intended to cause hurt, distress or humiliation

•  can be physical, verbal or psychological in nature.

Ms Joanne Chua, clinical psychologist at Mind What Matters clinic, said “markers” of bullying include:

• a recurrence of the action

• an intent to harm

• distress caused to the victim. 

“I think the fine line depends on how the person on the opposite side perceives it and how it impacts them,” she said.

Dr Gregory Liem, an Associate Professor at the National Institute of Education, said often, victims of bullying share the same characteristics. 

They are usually more timid or anxious, physically weaker or smaller, and have traits that are different from the majority of students, such as a learning disability.

Ms Chua said that trusted adults — such as parents and teachers — should look out for signs of distress in children which include changes in behaviour, mood and academic performance.

“Some research suggests that bullied children might also have psychosomatic symptoms such as headache, stomachache or night terrors,” she said.

While some bullying incidents may seem minor, such as name-calling, they can still have a significant impact on the child, the experts said.

Some long-term effects include mood disorder, anxiety and low self-esteem.

Two victims whom TODAY spoke to said they still have nightmares and are seeking help for their anxiety. 

‘SEPARATE THE ACTIONS FROM THE PERSON’

Despite the harmful effects on those at the receiving end, experts caution against ostracising or labelling misbehaving children or youth as bullies — especially by those in authority. 

Dr Liem pointed out that some of the common traits among those in this group include the need to assert themselves as a stronger figure or of higher status,  and they might be those who do not perform well academically.

Ms Chua said they are usually those who are unable to inhibit their responses.

“Perhaps they want to interact with others but they don't know how to, or it could also be a set of learnt behaviour that they picked up from their environment,” she said.

“It is good to separate the child from his actions (and) to not label the child as a bully. We don’t want to perpetuate the stigma of the child being a bully.” 

Labelling children or youth could affect their identity and self-esteem, she added. Moreover, both victims and bullies could end up believing the labels are part of their identity and act them out. 

 “For the bully, I think it’s possible to correct the behaviour. I don’t think it's very useful to label these children so early in their lives,” she said.

The experts recommended a holistic and systemic approach to tackling bullying cases.

“In terms of intervention, it has to be more systemic. It should not just be contained to the school. It should include the child’s environment, the people at home and the community the child is in,” said Ms Chua.

PUNISHING BULLIES: ‘HARD APPROACH’ NOT ALWAYS THE BEST 

Even when a case of bullying has been established, the school will have to grapple with another issue: What is the appropriate form of punishment for the student who has misbehaved. 

Teachers told TODAY that many factors would come into consideration here, including the student’s age, the severity of the bullying, and whether he or she is a repeat offender. 

Agreeing with the views of psychologists and counsellors, the teachers said coming down hard on the bullies is not necessarily the best way to tackle the problem.

They added that the disciplinary system needs to go hand in hand with counselling sessions for the victims. Such sessions can help the victims to learn some strategies on how to handle the bullies. 

For example, victims would receive tips on how to cope and what to do when bullied. Bullies themselves are also counselled to rehabilitate them and help them understand the underlying causes for bullying behavior.

TODAY understands that school counsellors are usually roped in after a punishment has been meted out to help bullies understand how their actions and words have impacted the victims, and why the bad behaviour should not be repeated.

While the teachers said they try to step in and intervene when bullying incidents are brought to their attention, they noted that it is not always possible for each case to be settled according to the parents’ desired outcome. 

WHAT PARENTS SAY 

Parents interviewed by TODAY offered differing assessments on whether the schools had handled the cases involving their bullied children well.

Some felt that the schools did not take the reports of bullying seriously enough. For example, a set of parents claimed that their daughter’s school had given short shrift to her case, after they had compiled a list of incidents and brought it to the discipline mistress’ attention.

But some parents were grateful for how their children’s schools did their best to look into the incidents and try to resolve them. 

May’s teacher, for example, had stepped in and asked the boy who had been stealing from the girl to apologise and return her money. She also asked the bullies who broke May’s file to buy her a new one. 

“I’m so thankful to that teacher. I told the teacher: ‘I’m so glad that I have you as my girl’s teacher’,” said May’s 45-year-old mother, who wanted to be known only as Ms Toh.

The parents whom TODAY spoke to reiterated that when their children were bullied, they, too, felt the pain.

“It is agonising to know your child is going through something and you can’t protect her. I would get upset and I would cry too,” said Ms Toh.