My first marriage ended years ago. 

Things never really took off between me and my first wife. I was too focused on building my career, and our different life goals pushed us apart. I quit my finance career in Dubai and returned to Singapore to file for divorce. 

In 2012, I decided to start something on my own: An events company called Get Out! Events. 

However, in the midst of an economic slowdown and a series of bad financial decisions, my business took several hits, plunging me into a downward spiral of self-pity and hopelessness. 

I was at one of the lowest points in my life. And then in 2013, a friend introduced me to Stacy. 

What started as a friendship of shared understanding blossomed into attraction, and then love. 

What clicked between us was our mutual respect for practicality. 

This drove our relationship. Yes, we were in love, but it didn’t take out logic and pragmatism out of the equation. In fact, we had each come to realise that both things can and should go hand in hand. 

Over a year later, Stacy convinced me to restart Get Out! Events. She soon quit her corporate job to come on board to join the company and help me full-time. 

When we took the leap and got married, it was a decision based in love. 

However, we were both mindful of past mistakes and failures in our ledgers. We wanted to tread carefully in this relationship. 

And so, we decided to let the emotions take a back seat in the marriage itself, and lead with practical decisions.

It went well — until it didn’t. 

NEW RESPONSIBILITIES, NEW PROBLEMS 

The first signs of trouble started appearing a few months after our firstborn arrived. 

We were business partners before we became life partners. Up until our son’s birth, we hadn’t had the chance to distinguish between the two dynamics. 

But taking care of a newborn and a business together came with challenges that caught us off-guard — challenges neither of us had ever faced before. 

The long hours I spent at work meant I could not be with Stacy much. Day after day, I brought back more and more stress home with me, while Stacy was focused on caring for our son. 

For most couples, this might seem like a reasonably balanced dynamic. For us, however, the concept of “divide and conquer” was foreign, as we had built our relationship on doing everything together. 

Soon, the “divide” part of the equation started taking a toll on our marriage. 

Small arguments snowballed into fierce disagreements, creating endless friction in both our home life and work life. 

If I spent a late night at the office working overtime while Stacy was out with her friends for a break from parenting full-time, that would cause tension between us. 

We frequently quarrelled about minor incidents such as these, which would lead us to ignoring each other for some time, and then eventually boil over into large outbursts.

We didn’t realise it at the time, but we weren’t really angry at each other. 

The floodgates to our memories of failed relationships were opened. We were scared, not angry — fearful of being haunted by the ghosts of our past hurts and mistakes, and of messing up our son’s future. 

After a few months, we reached a breaking point. Being practical people, we decided we had no choice but to confront each other as well as the truth.  

As experienced businesspeople, we thought we knew what we needed: An exit plan. 

We sat down for the dreaded “talk” — how we were going to dissolve our domestic partnership, and continue to raise Riley as separated parents. 

IT’S NOT JUST BUSINESS

It was my mother-in-law who knocked some sense into us. 

She became the voice of reason, reminding me of the solemn pledge I’d made to give my all to my marriage. I had vowed never to let Stacy and our relationship succumb to the same fate as my first divorce. 

Really, the very notion of an “exit plan” should never have been part of the picture in the first place. 

That’s when we both took a step back and returned to the drawing board to re-evaluate what went wrong. After some honest, open discussions, we arrived at the same realisation: Our marriage was not a business, and an exit plan was just not the answer. 

We finally saw how we had let practicality overshadow our marriage. 

When we made a mutual decision to let our emotions and love for each other come forward to take the front seat, things started to improve. 

We acknowledged and committed ourselves to the importance of staying together — whether as parents or business partners. And this mantra has been driving our marriage to this day. 

US AGAINST THE WORLD, NOT EACH OTHER

Every marriage faces rough patches; ours has certainly endured its fair share. By choosing to face these struggles together, we had learnt how to bounce back quicker, and with greater resilience than before. 

But before that, it was necessary for us to first realise that we had to work together as one in every facet of our lives. 

Stacy and I made a decision to place each other as our top priorities, even before our children. We made a new plan based on tenets such as checking in with each other first, and picking up each other's slack. 

It may seem simple, and it did take some time to get back into the groove — but it worked.

Over the past decade, that’s what helped us through the complexities of our marriage, raising Riley, and now, his two younger siblings as well. As parents, Stacy and I still strive to come together as one single unit, whether it’s during playtime or even arguments with the kids.

I’ve even started another business, a Web3 initiative called Salad Ventures. 

To be honest, this did introduce additional stress into our lives, but this time, we decided not to make a contingency plan. 

Stacy took full charge of GetOut! Events to allow me to focus on my new venture. 

In the past, we would have seen both of us being involved in business full-time as a big risk to our family. But now that we’ve managed to bounce back stronger by resetting our priorities and establishing healthy communication practices, we see clearly how it’s possible for us to do both. 

As businesspeople, we understand the importance of preparing for downturns and setbacks. But as a couple, we don’t want an “exit plan” to become an option for us ever again. 

For Stacy and I, the struggles and challenges we’ve faced in our marriage aren’t unique to us. Many recent news articles and public discussions around marriage and relationships show us the complexities of modern relationships for couples today, from conflicts over fair division of domestic labour and responsibilities to the everyday pressures of balancing work and family life. 

We hope our story provides readers facing similar struggles with some relatable insights and encouragement, underscoring the importance of mutual support and resilience in a committed partnership.

Practical decisions still have their place — but sometimes, it’s even more important to listen to our hearts and let them guide us.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Felix Sim is the co-founder of Get Out! Events, which he runs with his wife Stacy.