Gen Y Speaks: You can’t please everyone, especially online trolls. So breathe

"Why are you even working on the frontline with your crooked and yellowish teeth?" the customer hissed at me, right after I politely told her that we could not accede to her request.

I knew that my teeth were crooked and yellowish, but I have never had anyone telling me straight to my face. That comment in 2013 when I was working as a customer service officer completely shattered my self-esteem.

That night, I shared the incident with my manager. She said: "The best way to handle such nasty people is to be on your best form. You deserve to be treated right."

So I decided to put on braces to straighten my teeth, working as a private tutor during my university days for a year to save up for it.

When the dentist removed my braces two years later, I thought that everything would be fine. I started to regain my self-confidence and became more active on social media — with LinkedIn being the most actively used platform, where I write a post once every two to three days.

I share what I think are meaningful moments of my life and career.

At times, I write about heartwarming moments. For instance, I once wrote a post to express my gratitude for my boss who took time and effort to celebrate the anniversary of my third year working there.

Sometimes, I write about my lessons learnt. Be they about the virtues learnt from my volunteering, reverse mentoring from my mentees, or the knowledge acquired from courses — I love to share them with people. Because then, we grow together as a community.

People who know me well will know my intent: All I wanted was to spread positivity through my uplifting stories. But not everyone appreciates them.

Some readers — most of whom I do not know — have left hurtful comments on my posts.

All of their comments had nothing to do with what I wrote. Can you imagine one of them even said things like “You suck”?

I thought to myself: "What did I do to deserve all these?"

Filled with disappointment, I wrote a lengthy post on this on LinkedIn.

"It is impossible to please everyone,” a reader of my post commented.

“Continue to be yourself and keep doing what you do, because you represent a positive voice for the community.”

Indeed, we can never please everyone. There will always be cynics and others who are out to demean us. What is more important is how we respond to them.

First, always stay cool, calm, and composed. I sometimes receive unfriendly comments on my posts, like "this guy has a weird smile" or "look at his rabbit teeth".

In the beginning, I found these uncalled-for remarks hard to swallow. I felt a strong urge to post a nasty reply.

Then I thought about it: "Why should I let a stranger affect my mood? Wouldn't I be stooping to his level if I were to behave in the same manner?"

Hence, I have chosen to ignore such remarks. We cannot control how others think and act, but what we can control are our attitudes and reactions.

At times, however, we may need to make our stand firm. A few months ago, I encountered an individual who left the same comment "shut up" on at least three of my social media posts.

There was no reason for this person to do this and I knew that I had to stand up to it, but in an inoffensive way that would not add oil to the fire. 

So I simply replied: "Thank you for your comment. You might be having a hard time but have a nice day ahead".

It sent a clear signal that I was not keen to pursue the matter or ignite an argument. Guess what? Following my reply, the person wrote me an apology before deactivating his account.

That reinforced my stand that in life, we need not respond to trolls in the manner they treat us. Being kind to others is to be kind to ourselves.

Certainly, if all else fails, the next best alternative would be to block the trolls completely.

Many people misperceive blocking as a sign of weakness — which is the fear to confront others. However, I see it as a necessary evil.

If someone persistently tries to stir trouble, then there is really no point in trying to engage them.

Having been active on social media for many years, people often ask: "Since you face trolls so frequently, why don't you just withdraw from social media completely?"

My response has always been clear: I want to make a difference. I want to create a positive community on social media through sharing my thoughts and observations in life.

Sometimes, I even get asked for advice on how to deal with unreasonable, nasty and unconstructive people.

I would tell them: "No one can bring you down, except yourself. Don't let others dictate your self-worth or how far you can go. Keep striving for a better self every day. You will only get better."

Thinking back, I never regretted putting on braces because it has indeed helped me to build my self-confidence. More importantly, I learnt that we can never please everyone.

The next time someone tells me: “Hey your nose is too big”, my response would be: “Thank you for your compliment. I am humbled.”

Because ultimately, I decide the comfort under my own skin.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Ong Shen Kwang works as a project facilitator in a local bank.