SINGAPORE — Is it a green or red flag if a woman offers to help cover the cost of her pricey engagement ring?

Reddit user “No-Swan-3807” took to the online forum in a r/SingaporeRaw thread on Monday (June 17) to seek netizens’ advice on whether his girlfriend’s offer is acceptable.

The Redditor said in his post that he plans to propose to his girlfriend, who has been “very involved” in the process and “knows exactly the kind of (engagement) ring that she wants”.

He added, however, that he is able to afford only something “more modest than what she’d like”.

As the ring of her dreams costs about S$7,000 more than his budget, his girlfriend has offered to chip in to cover the additional cost of the engagement ring.

Still, the Redditor said that he feels “weird” and “bad” about going ahead with her suggestion, as he has not heard of anyone else doing the same. 

This prompted him to seek advice on the forum on whether he should accept her offer, or instead go ahead to “splurge” on the ring without accepting his girlfriend’s help.

He added that his girlfriend earns twice as much as he does, which is why she thinks it is fine that she chips in – especially as the ring is “something that she insists that she wants, (and is not) a need”.

Replying to comments in the thread, the Redditor explained that he works in healthcare and his girlfriend works in finance, and that she would “always earn much more than (he does), at least in the foreseeable future”.

The post sparked a lively discussion, with more than 80 comments as of Tuesday evening.

‘MULTIPLE GREEN FLAGS’

The majority of comments have lauded the Redditor’s girlfriend and regard her offer as a “major green flag” – indicating they think it’s a positive sign about the woman’s character and her approach to the relationship.

Reddit user “confused_cereal” said: “Multiple green flags here: Offering to chip in, understanding differences between wants and needs, recognising your financial situation, being able to vocalise her wants.”

Many have also called the girlfriend a “gem” and a “keeper”, with user “EastBeasteats” congratulating the Redditor for finding someone who is “marrying (him) for who you are, not your money”.

Most users also agreed that it was fine to accept the girlfriend’s offer, given she would be the one wearing the ring and it is important that she finds something she likes.

They added that he could make up for it or express his gratitude in other non-monetary ways.

Redditor “xDraGonSaInTx” said: “I think I would let her chip in since it’d ultimately (be) her wearing it. However, I’ll make it a point to make it up to her in the future with other surprises without her needing to hint me that she chipped in. Sorta like a love upgrade.”

Still, others were not so sure about accepting the girlfriend’s offer for various reasons.

One user “Boring97979616”, for example, thinks it would be more meaningful for the Redditor to splurge on the ring given it is a special occasion, and to communicate to his girlfriend that she was worth the oversized price tag of the ring.

The user said that as his girlfriend earns twice what he does, then presumably she has paid more than him for other expenses over the course of the relationship.

“If that’s the case, I would say just splurge on it and spoil her at least for this occasion – you get to only buy her one ring in this lifetime. Besides, based on what you’ve posted, she seems to be worth the splurge.”

Other commenters suggested that the Redditor decline her offer, lest his acceptance form the basis for arguments down the road.

Beyond the mere cost of the ring, however, the post has also sparked discussions on what equality in a relationship looks like – with some Redditors questioning the original poster’s concerns about accepting his girlfriend’s offer.

User “Prestigious-Toe8622” asked: “Sorry what’s the problem (here)? Her actions or your ego?”

User “Slicelka” added: “At this age there is no such thing as the ‘man of the house’, accept that you both are equals, no one need to contributing more financially or effort because of gender, both have to do your part.”

Agreeing, Redditor “INSYNC0” said: “Probably need to learn to embrace equality in this modern society. You feel bad because you have been drilled a mindset that the man is the one to propose, and to buy the engagement ring to surprise the woman.

“With your wife earning twice of you, there will be many more things to come whereby it'll make more sense if she paid more than your share. This can be a first step. A relationship should function on mutual understanding and acceptance. If she is willing to do it for the sake of her happiness, why not?”

Regardless of what users think about the offer, most, if not all, have congratulated him for finding someone who is a “green flag”, and agree that he should be quick to “put a ring on it”.

TODAY has reached out to the original poster for comment.