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Gen Y Speaks: I tried to be ‘That Girl’ and failed at it. But that’s okay

The author realised that she is secretly happy to stay true to herself, and not pretending to be someone else.

The author realised that she is secretly happy to stay true to herself, and not pretending to be someone else.

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I have always aspired to become just like some people in books, shows and real life.

As a child I was enraptured by Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter novels for her wit and diligence, television host Ellen DeGeneres for her unmistakable sense of humour, and Vera Wang for her impeccable designs and fashion sense. 

The list of my childhood role models, fictional or real, goes on.

But with the advent of social media, this list of people whom I wanted to emulate slowly transformed to become “the girl next door”.

These are not necessarily women who have achieved something great in their lives, broke the mould, or stood tall among their peers. They’re just ordinary folks who document parts of their lives on platforms like Instagram and TikTok.

But they also have something that I, too, aspire to have — flawless walk-in wardrobes, pretty overnight oats, artfully messy braids and vacations in an island paradise that I’ve never even dreamt of visiting.

TRYING TO BE ‘THAT GIRL’

With countless photos and reels that were showing up on my social media feed, many of them aesthetically pleasing and relaxing to watch, these highly tangible lifestyles quickly overtook the idols that I used to have.

“My life is terrible,” I couldn’t help but blurt to a friend over dinner one day.

I then lamented: “Can you believe that influencer (who I shall not name) managed to do this (thing that I secretly wish I could do)?” How amazing, I said wryly.

As our conversation went on, we both realised that we have been noticing the “that girl” trend on the internet saturating our social media with romanticised, dream-like images of balanced lifestyles that looked out of reach in our lives filled with drudgery.

For those not in the know, "that girl" is a social media trend that encourages people to pursue wellness in their lives by becoming the best version of themselves. 

In other words, these are online personalities who have all their affairs in order and look good doing it, too.

Yet, here I am, waking up to a slew of realities of life, marked by missed deadlines to apply for things that I want to do and unclaimed annual leave days that are doomed to expire this year.

Just for fun, my friend and I challenged ourselves to try to live like “that girl” on our social media feeds, to live a picture-perfect life, wake up before 8am for a healthy morning walk and make wholesome, aesthetically delightful meals.

This challenge allowed me to discover the boons and banes of trying to be “that girl”. Spoiler alert: I lost the challenge.

FEELING ‘FAKE’

I began by drawing inspiration from social media pages of other girls, curating my own photos as such. 

It was certainly enjoyable, and the main upside was that I gained a few charming photos of myself having a sumptuous breakfast in my living room.

However, I quickly deleted these photos after posting them on my social media pages. I could not stand having them up simply because they did not feel authentic at all.

One photo showed me eating an aesthetically composed breakfast meal early in the morning, at a time when I’m usually unflatteringly asleep. 

The truth was that I wanted the morning natural light only for the photograph, and I was far from feeling hungry for breakfast.

All these parts I was intending to post on social media felt “fake”. I felt like I would be living a lie if I continued to post these images on my social media.

Since I wanted something genuine, I thought of something else for me to fulfil the challenge: Tidy up my room and give it the minimalist, Marie Kondo vibe that is trending all over social media.

After all, I always knew my messy room needed a “makeover” anyway, and I can then take photos of my room to show my friend as part of the challenge we undertook.

Yet, even the tidiness of my room lasted only a few days.

Books and notes began to pile on my table as I began to prepare for my graduate module exams.

Pragmatism reigned over perfection. 

Move over Marie Kondo. I sought consolation by convincing myself that I have simply rejoined the messy desk style of many admirable people from history: Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein, and Mark Twain.

Moreover, I recognised that my room is for living, not a studio for photo taking.

Is the “that girl” lifestyle for me? Not really, although like many forms of art and fiction, it represents an ideal and a dream to look forward to.

So, what did I learn having lost the challenge? I now know that I will never be “that girl”.

There will always be a deluge of impeccable social media content that threatens to disrupt my equilibrium of assurance and peace with oneself.

However, I am secretly happy to stay true to who I am, and not someone else that I wanted to or pretended to become.

Now, I often remind others that comparison is the thief of joy, and that there is beauty in what we are, including our messy, down-to-earth, and less-than-perfect lives.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Alvona Loh Zi Hui is a medical doctor who works in Singapore.

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