The Big Read in short: Let’s talk about mental health — but also learn to listen and provide support

Each week, TODAY’s long-running Big Read series delves into the trends and issues that matter. This week, we look at the need for youths to not only build up their emotional resilience, but also learn how to help those with mental health issues. This is a shortened version of the full feature,​ which can be found here.

SINGAPORE — Three weeks into depression, 27-year-old Clement (not his real name) was told to “get over it”. 

When Rachel (not her real name), 26, suffered from psychosis, she was told to “think about children dying in Africa”. 
 
After a suicide attempt, Ms Nawira Baig was told that she did not know how to appreciate life. The 27-year-old has been living with bipolar disorder for the past 10 years, which causes her to experience bouts of depression. 
 
The words uttered might seem innocuous enough to those around them and may be well-intended, but for people with mental health conditions like Clement, Rachel and Ms Baig, hearing them from their family and close friends made them feel worse. 
 
“For people who want to end their life, it’s because it’s very painful. We don’t know how to deal with this and we cannot bear this any longer. It doesn’t help when people don’t understand and there is no support,” said Ms Baig, 27, who is working in the mental health sector. 

While hurt, Clement, Rachel and Ms Baig did not blame the people who made those remarks, attributing them to a lack of awareness and understanding.  
  
But as the global community observed World Mental Health Day on Thursday (Oct 10), those interviewed by TODAY — including mental health professionals and advocates, bereaved parents and youths who have mental illness — believed that there is much scope for Singaporean youths to be taught emotional and mental literacy, in order to bring about greater mental wellness in society. 

According to a Forbes article published earlier this week, more and more schools in the United States are adding social-emotional learning to their curriculum. The United Kingdom has also unveiled plans to make wellbeing education universal in schools by 2020.
 
While years of destigmatisation efforts have improved the mental health landscape in Singapore, mental health professionals say that preventive work also needs to be done. 

That includes learning the appropriate language to use when speaking to a family or a friend who has a mental health condition, and what actions to take when they are in severe distress. 

It also includes building up emotional resilience, which teaches them how to manage their emotions, what are the signs and symptoms when they are emotionally distressed, and how to seek help. 
 
“Why don’t we focus on the wellness and not the illness? Learn to take care of yourself and manage stress well. Rather than wait until you’re being diagnosed, and then we go ‘okay we have such a programme for you,’” said Ms Porsche Poh, executive director of Silver Ribbon, a non-profit organisation focusing on mental health issues. 

OLD AND NEW STRESSORS

The stressors among youth mainly include:

• relationships/friendships

• academic or work performance

• financial worries

• stress resulting from life transitions

Apart from the common stressors, previously taboo topics, such as struggles over one’s sexual orientation, has started to surface, said Ms Lee Yiping, a youth support worker with Community Health Assessment Team (Chat) — a programme which provides free mental health checks for people aged 16 to 30. 
 
Cyberbullying is also another source of stress that emerged recently, due to the rise of social media. 

Mental health professionals generally see social media as a double-edged sword. While it can be used as an outlet for youths to express themselves, there is a danger they are opening themselves up to online bullying. 

PROVIDING THE RIGHT SUPPORT  

Mental health professionals generally agree that the stigma attached to people with mental illness has lessened. However, youths do not feel equipped to support their friends with mental illness, according to an online poll by the National Youth Council last year.  

Through TODAY's interviews with several young people who are still living with or have had a mental illness, there were numerous examples of how they felt dismissed and their pain trivialised due to remarks made by people around them.

So, what do people with mental health conditions like to see more from the people around them? 

Just being there, some told TODAY.

During the times when Ms Baig was hospitalised, she remembers her friends giving her chocolate cake or painting her nails in the hospital, among other things. 

“To them, I am still who I am. That never changes. I really value that they did not treat me differently, they didn’t tread cautiously or treat me as fragile,” she said. 

It is human nature to offer quick solutions, said the experts. But what is more important is to just listen and validate the feelings of those with mental health conditions, they added. 

While these may seem common sense, the experts said these are skill sets that need to be taught. Such skill sets are missing even among adults. Sometimes, parents themselves can unwittingly hurt their children with mental health conditions. 

BUILDING EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE

Mental health advocates believe that there is also a need to teach young people how to build emotional resilience, by learning how to regulate their emotions, and by equipping them with the tools to soothe themselves when they undergo stress.  
 
Ms Lee said young people need to encounter failures and mistakes, and learn to bounce back from them, to learn emotional resilience. 

Finding healthier coping mechanisms to manage their stress levels is also one way to build resilience. 
 
For some of the young people with mental health conditions interviewed by TODAY, acquiring healthier coping mechanisms is very much a trial-and-error process. 
 
For Ms Baig, she realised that journaling and dancing helped her release some of her internal tensions. 
 
A perspective shift also has helped some of them overcome the inadequacies they feel about themselves. 

Instead of subscribing to society’s conventional definitions of success, Peter — a 23-year-old undergraduate diagnosed with several mental health conditions — said he learned to “lower his expectations” and find joy in the simplest things, such as being able to make someone else smile. e

MENTAL HEALTH LITERACY

For individuals to learn emotional resilience and how to provide better support to those with mental illness, the experts and youths interviewed say there should be more structured mental health education in schools.

“We may be given scientific literacy and numeracy in school. But we are never given emotional and mental help literacy,” said Nominated Member of Parliament Anthea Ong, an advocate for compulsory mental health education in school. 

In response to TODAY’s queries, Madam Choy Wai Yin, director of guidance and student development curriculum at the Ministry of Education (MOE), said that schools and Institutes of Higher Learning (IHLs) adopt an individualised approach given that at-risk students often have to deal with multiple factors and unique circumstances.
 
She added that MOE provides a “supportive environment in all schools and IHLs”, where students are taught resilience-building and how to reframe perceptions. 
 
The need to start a conversation on mental health and suicide in schools is something that Ms Elaine Lek and Ms Doreen Kho, are supportive of. They both lost their sons to suicide due to depression. 
 
Ms Lek feels there should be more dialogue on mental health issues and suicide. 

“There isn’t enough coverage because they are afraid of copycat suicides, afraid it will trigger something in kids. But let’s be real. All of these are available online, on social media,” she said. “Kids are already exposed, so why can’t we address it in school?” 

While mental health has become less of a taboo topic, the experts and youths said it remains a topic that some people dance around, which prevents more open and honest discussions about it.

To achieve that, mental health advocates said that Singaporeans need to be more comfortable talking about their emotions and simply start asking people around them, “how are you feeling?”

If you or someone you know is seeking help for mental health-related issues, here are some helplines:

• Samaritans of Singapore (24-hour hotline): 1800-221-4444

• Community Health Assessment Team: 6493 6500/01 or click on the webchat icon at chat.mentalhealth.sg

• Singapore Association for Mental Health helpline: 1800-283-7019

This article is written in partnership with the National Youth Council (NYC). If you have an idea on how to improve mental well-being support for youths, turn it into reality by joining the Youth Action Challenge Ideation session on Oct 19. This challenge is organised by the Ministry of Culture, Community & Youth and the NYC. Through a series of workshops and hackathons, you will get to hear from Government representatives, industry heads and youth leaders. Youths with the best ideas will have a chance to pitch their proposals at a finale in April 2020 and receive up to S$50,000 in grants for implementation. Sign up for the challenge at bit.ly/yacBR