SINGAPORE — Women aged 21 to 49 were likelier than men of the same age group to find it acceptable if an individual chooses to remain single, a recent survey by the Institute of Policy Studies (IPS) found. 

They were also likelier than their male peers to agree that it is not necessary to get married.

The survey, a pre-conference poll done by IPS ahead of its Singapore Perspectives 2024 conference focused on youth, also found that women aged 21 to 34 were likelier than their male peers to agree that it is not necessary to have children in a marriage.

These findings were unveiled at the conference on Monday (Jan 29). IPS is an independent think tank that analyses public policies and examines issues of critical national interest across a variety of fields through surveys of public perception.

The pre-conference poll surveyed 2,356 Singaporeans and permanent residents aged 21 to 64 between November and December last year on the domains of family, well-being, work, civic engagement and life transitions.

On this gender disparity in marriage and parenthood aspirations, IPS’ senior research fellow Kalpana Vignehsa said: “Based on conversations with young women, one reason that they have shared with me for their disinterest or reluctance relates to feeling worried that they will be caught in the double bind of not having equal partnership in terms of running the family.

“They talk about watching mothers burn out from being primarily responsible for the visible and invisible labour of running a family on top of full-time employment, and they aren’t convinced that their male counterparts are ready to step into being equal partners at home.” 

As a result, they have “opened themselves more and more” to the idea that they could find meaning in alternative paths instead, Dr Kalpana added.

She was moderating a dialogue at Monday’s conference with Dr Janil Puthucheary, Senior Minister of State for Health and for Communications and Information. 

Dr Kalpana posed a question on how society ought to respond to these inequities in familial labour, and how existing expectations of men and women’s roles in caregiving should evolve.

Agreeing that men could do more, Dr Puthucheary said: “My sense is that men are doing more. The question is, is it enough?"

Citing an anecdote from a recent walkabout in his ward under the Pasir Ris-Punggol Group Representation Constituency, he said that he had noticed many fathers looking after their young children while their wives shopped or played with the older children, indicating to him that some of these familial norms have already shifted.

“Should we now do more on imposing values — telling people this is how you must be a man, this is how you must be a woman, this is how you must be a mother? I think that’s perhaps a step too far.

“Surely, as part of our development and progress as a society, we have to allow for some people to say, ‘This is what I feel are my values as a family’."

These values may be shaped in part by different factors such as one’s religion, ethnicity, culture, history and world views.

“And we need to be accepting that there are multiple ways and multiple views,” he added.

Such decisions on caregiving roles in a family could stem from practical assessments of which parent works and which parent spends time at home, or which parent may care for other members of the family besides their children.

“So I agree with you, men can do more. But I think as a society, we do also need to be a little bit forgiving to allow people to find their way to do this,” he said, adding that he believes some progress has been made, and society today is already changing.

Even if society were moving in the right direction, Dr Kalpana likened the women’s responses in IPS’ survey to a “kind of pushback” against what they have observed for a long time.

To this, Dr Puthucheary said: “Well, I think that if a young woman says she wants to concentrate on her career, I think that’s a valid choice.

“But likewise, if a young woman says, ‘I want to raise a family, and I want to take time away from my career’, I think we shouldn’t penalise her for that. I think that’s the wrong way to do it.

“The ideal would be that you do it all, do everything — but unfortunately, our biology isn’t set up for that. We’re now living till our 80s, we have a long career trajectory.  

“Unfortunately, childbearing age hasn’t changed, so that’s a natural challenge that young women have.”

He hopes that Singapore can be a society where every opportunity is put on the table, where “you can be anything, you can do anything”.

“(As a teenage girl in Singapore), you may have an additional struggle later on in life to make a choice about how you navigate that path (of pregnancy and parenthood).

“And I think the entire family should help you navigate that path. So I get back to my original one-liner ‘Too Long Didn't Read’ version… that men need to do more.”

On how this can be achieved, panellists at an earlier discussion on youth and family at the conference offered some suggestions.

Dr Shannon Ang, an assistant professor at Nanyang Technological University’s School of Social Sciences, said that couples ought to have “difficult conversations” about re-negotiating their roles in the family.

Mr Yuvan Mohan, a council member at Families for Life and the National Youth Council, said that this may include discussions even on how chores such as cleaning the house and doing the dishes should be split.

These are important because couples may hold different perspectives.

He also said that having a “community of care” may help men and women engage in such conversations while they take on greater responsibilities in jointly navigating work and parenting.

A community of care refers to an extended community of carers that encompasses people who are not relatives or who are individuals beyond one’s nuclear family.

This means that couples may turn to older friends and mentors to “understand what they are doing, mistakes they have made, or things that they have learned, and then implement those lessons in (the couple’s) life right now”, he added.